Back in 5

November seems to be one of the months where personal matters pile up. Sorry for such a delay. I always have to travel out of state for this month. Drop off kids, see family, etc. Hot Female Fan (Claire) did join me this year for about 10 days. She drove up from Texas with her daughters and we had loads of fun. I saw the comment where someone mentioned I had me a girlfriend. Yes, can confirm. She's pretty great. :) Her visit was book-ended by numerous doctors visits and consultations. Turns out I need surgery for something I've been putting off for a while. It's nothing life threatening, I promise. It will just be super painful and expensive... and 6 weeks recovery. That will be on the 6th of this month. So I'm going to shoot for the next update to be this Wednesday, and my surgery will be the following day. I should be able to continue comicking immediately after without too much difficulty. If there is difficulty, I will let you know. So in short, I apologize for the radio silence, but there were a ton of unknowns for me, schedulings, reschedulings, follow ups.. and not a whole lot of solidified dates to when I'd get anything new up or even time to art. The amount of time I actually had to physically BE at my computer the last several weeks was practically nonexistent. Again, thanks for the patience. I really do appreciate you guys. Also, there are only 7 FatFat plushes left. If you'd like one to make it to you or a loved one by Christmas, any orders must be in by the 7th. If you have any questions or concerns, Claire can help you via her Etsy.   LINK HERE.   UPDATE 12/6/18: Hey, guys--Claire here. The prep and followup for Chris' surgery is taking a little more time than we anticipated, so the next comic will be up next Tuesday or Wednesday instead of today. Sorry for the delay, but I know that Chris really appreciates all your support and patience. In the meanwhile, I have something fun to keep you occupied! We're planning on doing a revamp of the website design in 2019, and need your feedback on ideas and suggestions for Shotgun Shuffle 2.0. I've made a little survey which should only take 5-10 minutes of your time. If you want to help out, you can fill it out HERE. And if you feel so inclined, provide your name and email at the end of the survey and you'll be entered into a giveaway for this cute little Mini McFatfat that I made today: Who wouldn't want a pocket-sized purple heart attack to carry around on their adventures? The drawing for this giveaway will be at noon Central on December 14th, 2018. Oh, and speaking of Fatfat, just a reminder that tomorrow (December 7th) is the last day to get your orders in for the full-size version if you want guaranteed delivery by Christmas. Any orders that come in after that will likely arrive sometime in early January. Thanks!!   UPDATE 12/12/18: HFF here again :)  Wanted to let everyone know that the surgery went well, but Chris is still recovering and dealing with a lot of pain. He *is* working on the next comic as much as he can each day, but it won't be done until Friday. Thanks for all the well-wishes. We also want to thank everyone who's taken the time to fill out the web design survey so far. The response has been so great, we decided to pick two winners for the mini Fatfat giveaway on Friday instead of just one. You still have time to get entered! If you're a data nerd like me, I also made some pretty awesome charts from your responses, which you can check out HERE. We'll definitely keep your feedback in mind when designing the new website!

108 thoughts on “Back in 5

  1. Only four minutes of oxygen left eh? Oh well I guess her ‘date’ had better have great lung capacity or run fast and far!

  2. I feel incredibly stupid, but what’s the significance of “F”? I’m going through a thousand different explanations in my head, each more idiotic than the last. Essentially I need someone to explain the joke to me. I’m that guy.

    1. In one of the Call of Duties you attend a funeral with the prompt to press ‘F’ to pay respects. It became a meme because of how absurd it was.

      1. HEY. A NEW ICON. If you are a new user, or new commenter, you must dig through the archives in order to find the initiation sequence for the gift baskets.

      2. The expanded version is the game publisher used the typical key for action from the old days of PC gaming – the F key (right next to the D key in the ASDF movement schema). The console gamers didn’t really notice, because the game asked to press X to pay respects (since the X key is the action key in most games). But it seemed really weird they didn’t use the R key, since that would make sense (R for Respects).

        1. I had the same thought, originally (not being a Call of Duty fan who would’ve caught the other reference). I figured it was a bit of commentary on the ‘thoughts and prayers’ approach to sympathy.

  3. Hmmm. Four minutes seems awfully fast for using up all the oxygen in a room. Maybe at your next apartment invest in some potted plants so your sealed bunker can operate with a breathable atmosphere indefinitely.

  4. F

    “Back in five minutes, tops.”
    “Four minutes of oxygen remaining.”

    I’m no rocket surgeon, but I think Kyle might be in trouble here.

    1. Maybe not – that might be at current usage levels, so once Tara and Zenobia are gone, he should have more like 9 minutes…

  5. Glad to see that I’m not the only one who had to search to see what “press F to pay respects” was from. Guess that’s what I get for not playing any of the Call of Duty games. Meh, oh well.

    Also, if Kyle hasn’t regretted not leaving before? He might start to now.

        1. At least I HOPE you’re referencing Gone Fishin’. I haven’t seen that movie in nudging up on two decades, but it was a staple of my video store days. Tommy Boy, Clifford, Black Sheep, a little Mystery Science Theater 3000 to end the night because it was shorter, and of course, Danny Glover and Joe Pesci in Gone Fishin’.

        1. Because she’s a raging turbobitch on wheels with little regard for human life that isn’t her own, possibly making her even worse than Cinnamon?

        2. At least Tarragon knows how to read and work a room, where Cinnamon barely knows how to keep guys interested. Maybe she needs to meet Rodney Carrington.

        3. Mr. Blue, that basically makes Tarragon a charismatic Cinnamon with the ability to follow through.

          That makes her INFINITELY worse.

        4. Last I knew, WoG itself assures us that Juniper is the worst. I’m not sure how that’s possible with this collection of cartoon supervillains on the loose.

        5. My point exactly, Juniper may be abad mother and dead beat drunk, but whose lives has she ended or ruined? And even at her lowest, Juniper has felt remorse for actions, just not sure if she has the willpower to change. Tarragon has no intention of stopping or changing what she’s doing because she thinks she knows better than everyone else.

        6. It’s theoretically possible, Redguard, but at this point I think she would have had to have sold at least one of her previous babies.

  6. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
    http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

    Current stats at the time of this posting:

    Spindrift is 44th with 173 votes:
    —57.6667 v/d; 3.6042 v/hr; 0.0601 v/m.
    Puck is 40th with 189 votes:
    —63.0000 v/d; 2.6250 v/hr; 0.0438 v/m.
    SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 29th with 253 votes:
    —84.3333 v/d; 5.2708 v/hr; 0.0878 v/m.
    Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 1,088 votes:
    —362.6667 v/d; 22.6667 v/hr; 0.3778 v/m.
    The Depths is 5th with 1,123 votes:
    —374.3333 v/d; 23.3958 v/hr; 0.3899 v/m.
    Grrl Power is 3rd with 1,256 votes: “
    —418.6667 v/d; 26.1667 v/hr; 0.4361 v/m.
    Too Much Information is 2nd with 1,627 votes:
    —542.3333 v/d; 33.8958 v/hr; 0.5649 v/m.
    Twokinds is 1st with 2,849 votes:
    —949.6667 v/d; 59.3542 v/hr; 0.9892 v/m.

    50th slot — 158 AV*: 52.6667; 3.2917; 0.0549.
    40th slot — 189 AV: 63.0000; 3.9375; 0.0656.
    20th slot — 393 AV: 131.0000; 8.1875; 0.1365.
    Top ten — 934 AV: 311.3333; 19.4583; 0.3243.
    Top five — 1,123 AV: 374.3333; 23.3958; 0.3899.
    * Accumulated votes

      1. Do people really link through TWC anymore, though?

        I have everything bookmarked and I only use WebToons. It seems like TWC is almost a ghost town when I go there (lots of dead links).

        1. Unless the Google Analytics is lying to me, the site still gets a significant amount of referral traffic from TWC each month. More than any other referral source, actually.

        2. Well, I kind of like it since it doesn’t seem to be relying on the march mayhem madness comics bracket tournament. Grrl Power won that one year and has been in the top ten to top five if not the top spot almost every month since. SHOTGUN SHUFFLE won that tournament one year, and I’ve been putting some of the competition from that year up on my list, along with a few others that may offer a sporting challenge.

        3. I saw a while back that they started allowing Patreon reviews or whatever to their site, and I can see that boosting traffic again. I think the voting to get a look at artwork is a great incentive, but a lot of comics stopped doing that. Maybe by adding new features it will get more traffic.

          Last year, from what I saw, TWC was getting incredibly low unique views per month. That doesn’t count repeated views, meaning someone went to the page and clicked a link (to do some of what fans do – boost the site’s stats). But even in repeated views, it’s not nearly as high as Hiveworks or Webtoons. But not even they have a large number of unique log-ins, compared to something like Twitter.

        4. Well, Hiveworks seems to be a publisher of sorts along with their webhosting the comics featured on their site. And selling products through their name that had been produced by their respective web comic artists that they host.

    1. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
      http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

      Current stats at the time of this posting:

      Spindrift is 45th with 312 votes:
      —78.0000 v/d; 3.5056 v/hr; 0.0584 v/m.
      SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 27th with 548 votes:
      —137.0000 v/d; 6.1573 v/hr; 0.1026 v/m.
      Puck is 25th with 548 votes:
      —137.0000 v/d; 6.1573 v/hr; 0.1026 v/m.
      Stand Still. Stay Silent is 4th with 2,087 votes:
      —521.7500 v/d; 23.4494 v/hr; 0.3908 v/m.
      Two Much Information is 3rd with 2,465 votes: “
      —616.2500 v/d; 27.6966 v/hr; 0.4616 v/m.
      Grrl Power is 2nd with 2,598 votes:
      —649.5000 v/d; 29.1910 v/hr; 0.4865 v/m.
      Twokinds is 1st with 4,690 votes:
      —1,172.5000 v/d; 52.6966 v/hr; 0.8783 v/m.

      50th slot — 284 AV*: 71.0000; 3.1910; 0.0532.
      40th slot — 359 AV: 89.7500; 4.0337; 0.0672.
      20th slot — 775 AV: 193.7500; 8.7079; 0.1451.
      Top ten — 1,613 AV: 403.2500; 18.1236; 0.3021.
      Top five — 2,030 AV: 507.5000; 22.8090; 0.3801.
      * Accumulated votes

      1. Okay, let’s see if this revamped excel spreadsheet works for quickly calculating stats.

        Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
        http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

        Current stats at the time of this posting:

        Spindrift is 43rd with 489 votes:
        —69.8571 v/d; 2.9107 v/hr; 0.0485 v/m.
        Puck is 27th with 861 votes:
        —123.0000 v/d; 5.8973 v/hr; 0.0983 v/m.
        SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 26th with 864 votes:
        —123.4286 v/d; 5.9178 v/hr; 0.0986 v/m.
        Stick in the mud is 25th with 890 votes:
        —127.1429 v/d; 6.0959 v/hr; 0.1016 v/m.
        Miss Melee is 23rd with 992 votes:
        —141.7143 v/d; 6.7945 v/hr; 0.1132 v/m.
        The Depths is 7th with 2,960 votes:
        —422.8571 v/d; 20.2740 v/hr; 0.3379 v/m.
        Stand Still. Stay Silent is 5th with 3,611 votes:
        —515.8571 v/d; 24.7329 v/hr; 0.4122 v/m.
        Delve is 3rd with 3,845 votes: “
        —549.2857 v/d; 26.3356 v/hr; 0.4389 v/m.
        Grrl Power is 2nd with 4,455 votes:
        —636.4286 v/d; 30.5137 v/hr; 0.5086 v/m.
        Twokinds is 1st with 7,095 votes:
        —1,013.5714 v/d; 48.5959 v/hr; 0.8099 v/m.

        50th slot — 449 AV*: 64.1429; 3.0753; 0.0513.
        40th slot — 560 AV: 80.0000; 3.8356; 0.0639.
        20th slot — 1,547 AV: 221.0000; 10.5959; 0.1766.
        Top ten — 2,816 AV: 402.2857; 19.2877; 0.3215.
        Top five — 3,611 AV: 515.8571; 24.7329; 0.4122.
        * Accumulated votes

        1. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          Spindrift is 43rd with 573 votes:
          —81.8571 v/d; 3.4107 v/hr; 0.0568 v/m.
          Puck is 28th with 919 votes:
          —131.2857 v/d; 5.5030 v/hr; 0.0917 v/m.
          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 26th with 1,020 votes:
          —145.7143 v/d; 6.1078 v/hr; 0.1018 v/m.
          Miss Melee is 23rd with 1,145 votes:
          —163.5714 v/d; 6.8563 v/hr; 0.1143 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 5th with 4,106 votes:
          —586.5714 v/d; 24.5868 v/hr; 0.4098 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 2nd with 5,033 votes:
          —719.0000 v/d; 30.1377 v/hr; 0.5023 v/m.
          Twokinds is 1st with 7,767 votes:
          —1,109.5714 v/d; 46.5090 v/hr; 0.7751 v/m.

          50th slot — 537 AV*: 76.7143; 3.2156; 0.0536.
          40th slot — 655 AV: 93.5714; 3.9222; 0.0654.
          20th slot — 1,629 AV: 232.7143; 9.7545; 0.1626.
          Top ten — 3,239 AV: 462.7143; 19.3952; 0.3233.
          Top five — 4,106 AV: 586.5714; 24.5868; 0.4098.
          * Accumulated votes

        2. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          Spindrift is 41st with 746 votes:
          —82.8889 v/d; 3.4537 v/hr; 0.0576 v/m.
          Puck is 29th with 1,019 votes:
          —113.2222 v/d; 4.7395 v/hr; 0.0790 v/m.
          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 25th with 1,301 votes:
          —144.5556 v/d; 6.0512 v/hr; 0.1009 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 5th with 5,157 votes:
          —573.0000 v/d; 23.9860 v/hr; 0.3998 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 2nd with 6,191 votes:
          —687.8889 v/d; 28.7953 v/hr; 0.4799 v/m.
          Twokinds is 1st with 9,305 votes:
          —1,033.8889 v/d; 43.2791 v/hr; 0.7213 v/m.

          50th slot — 693 AV*: 77.0000; 3.2233; 0.0537.
          40th slot — 806 AV: 89.5556; 3.7488; 0.0625.
          20th slot — 1,802 AV: 200.2222; 8.3814; 0.1397.
          Top ten — 4,148 AV: 460.8889; 19.2930; 0.3216.
          Top five — 5,157 AV: 573.0000; 23.9860; 0.3998.
          * Accumulated votes

        3. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          Spindrift is 43rd with 792 votes:
          —79.2000 v/d; 3.3000 v/hr; 0.0550 v/m.
          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 25th with 1,424 votes:
          —142.4000 v/d; 5.9582 v/hr; 0.0993 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 4th with 5,502 votes:
          —550.2000 v/d; 23.0209 v/hr; 0.3837 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 2nd with 6,743 votes:
          —674.3000 v/d; 28.2134 v/hr; 0.4702 v/m.
          Twokinds is 1st with 9,979 votes:
          —997.9000 v/d; 41.7531 v/hr; 0.6959 v/m.

          50th slot — 752 AV*: 75.2000; 3.1464; 0.0524.
          40th slot — 901 AV: 90.1000; 3.7699; 0.0628.
          20th slot — 1,970 AV: 197.0000; 8.2427; 0.1374.
          Top ten — 4,357 AV: 435.7000; 18.2301; 0.3038.
          Top five — 5,466 AV: 546.6000; 22.8703; 0.3812.
          * Accumulated votes

        4. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 25th with 1,525 votes:
          —138.6364 v/d; 5.9339 v/hr; 0.0989 v/m.
          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 25th with 1,525 votes:
          —138.6364 v/d; 5.9339 v/hr; 0.0989 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 4th with 5,961 votes:
          —541.9091 v/d; 23.1946 v/hr; 0.3866 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 2nd with 7,170 votes:
          —651.8182 v/d; 27.8988 v/hr; 0.4650 v/m.
          Twokinds is 1st with 10,337 votes:
          —939.7273 v/d; 40.2218 v/hr; 0.6704 v/m.

          50th slot — 802 AV*: 72.9091; 3.1206; 0.0520.
          40th slot — 945 AV: 85.9091; 3.6770; 0.0613.
          20th slot — 2,100 AV: 190.9091; 8.1712; 0.1362.
          Top ten — 4,665 AV: 424.0909; 18.1518; 0.3025.
          Top five — 5,822 AV: 529.2727; 22.6537; 0.3776.
          * Accumulated votes

  7. Am I the only one looking forward the crazy side stories that are prolly gonna pop up in Rusche’s head from the pain meds post-surgery?

    1. It might end up being like the time I had my chest cut open where the local anesthetic wears off around noon and you go “Ow”, but then by the next day you’re fine until you need to have the stitches removed.

      1. What’s real fun is being allergic to the local anesthetic that they use before they pump in the general anesthetic. And it feels like the bones are burning up from the inside out. I’m talking near nuclear heat. I was fighting the meds and trying to say, it’s burning, it’s coming up my arm and it’s burning. Well, after that episode, they said that I have an Allergy to Amide type anesthetics. Big fun, right?

        1. I wouldn’t call it fun. I had to miss a few hours of work and I generally dislike not getting paid. Still I suppose there are worse ways to spend one’s morning.

          Though it’s always best to engage in activities that don’t require anesthetics. Like getting your teeth drilled for cavities.

  8. Generally nothing much gets thought of with pain meds post operation. Advice, if the doctor does NOT give you antibiotics then insist on a follow-up in 3 days. From experience, with pain medications post operation, it is difficult for you to self diagnose that you have a post operation infection.

    1. No problem! Can confirm that Chris still appears to have all the important comicking bits functioning after his surgery. :D

        1. Just stay out of Charles Nelson Reilly’s line. He’ll melt your brain with laser-beam eyes, you know.

      1. Are those the only bits you’re worried about, though?

        I mean, those are the only bits we’re concerned with, but we’re not dating him.

        1. Well, I mean, I worried that he was okay, as well, but as long as he’s pretty much intact, I’m good.

        2. The suckered is exponentially quintupled to the fifth power when there is ice, snow and blizzard conditions, exponentially cubed to the third power for ice and snow, and squared to the 456th power when it’s just snow and still snowing.

          But it’s just to infinity and beyond when it’s just enough snow on the ground to almost close schools. Almost but not quite enough to close schools. But it’s just the right amount to cause a run on bread, milk, wine, cat litter, candles, tuna fish and beer.

        3. GOTTA GET THE BREAD – GOTTA GET THE MILK. GOTTA GET THE BREAD! GOTTA GET THE MILK! OMG OMG!

          * climbs into the car all panicked like *

        4. Where do you think he’s going? The liquor stores know this because they work on a principle related to the inverse ninja. However there are several factors to consider. Longitude, longitude in relation to months of cold weather, cold weather in relation to snow, snow in relation to days at 1 inch coverage per day to one inch coverage per seven days, latitude, same as longitude above, relation to a lake on the leeward side and prevailing winds, etc.

        5. I think that it would be funnier if he got his friends to do similar stuff, insert a clip from Edward Scissorhands, get a drone shot of him and his friends crowding an intersection from all angles, insert a clip of the police chase from “The Blues Brothers” as the cars are piling up, insert clips from varying video games of similar cars with similar colors recklessly driving, drone clip of them arriving at the “grocery store” parking lot, closeup shot of one guy, than zoom out slowly as each one joins the chase, insert clip from “Police Academy” from “Holy Frijoles”, switch to “The Blues Brothers” as the authorities congregate, quick swipe wipe to the guard at the desk saying, ‘down there’, switch to friends fighting over a loaf of bread, then a gallon of milk, then a box of cereal, then the first guy from EmCeeKhan’s clip with a slow turn of his head, wide eyed in fear, and finish with a clip from “28 weeks later” of the horde chasing the first guy holding the bread, milk, etc., with interposing shots as he is shown running through all of the former shots with various clips of mobs chasing him. And this is to include the Keystone Kops at some point.

        6. Just added another update to the post. Chris is doing pretty good, but still a fair amount of pain, so comicking is limited right now to how much time each day he can handle sitting at his desk. The next comic is coming along well though; it will be worth the wait!

        7. Sounds like we need to get him a Art-inator 2000.

          * rolls out a giant bed desk *

          It’s a desk and a bed that allows you to draw while lying down, standing up or even upside down!

          *NOTE: The manufacture does not recommend trying to draw in the Art-inator 2000 while being upside down. Possible side effects are: dizziness, dehydration, constipation, nausea, eyes bleeding, cotton mouth, chin waggle, congestion, headaches, tummy aches and toe cancer.*

  9. So since we have a few days before this comment section gets abandoned I have a topic for discussion. I had a line of thought that lead to Ellie’s fun probability checklist and its inclusion of boy/non-sister. While we know that she doesn’t have much romantic experience with guys it occurs to me that she doesn’t seem to have many female friends either. We only ever see her interact socially at work, with her family, and with Quinn. I find this odd considering how extroverted she is. Is it jealousy over her ‘assets’? Did her older sisters have such a reputation in school that by the time she got there there were warnings about getting too close to her family?

    1. Well, you remember the strip Small Town Saturday Night.

      http://shotgunshuffle.com/comic/small-town-saturday-night/

      Ellie’s fun probability checklist requires a non-sister because she spent SO MUCH TIME WITH THEM already that that has grown irredeemably old.

      As for why she had no female friends, I think you’re likely onto something. Girl social dynamics are weird, and I only know this from periphery observation. I’m rocking more guesses than Jane Goodall and the chimps out here, but I DO know that that can get weird fast. For all we know, Tarra beat most of them up and no one wants to go the rounds with Tarra 2: The Lavengeance.

    2. With six sisters and her parents, Ellie may well have had a plenty active social life right at home. But yeah, other than having a large family, we haven’t seen any evidence that Ellie had friends or did anything social in high school. Maybe she just wasn’t outgoing enough to make friends, especially with such outrageous sisters.

    3. My guess was more that Ellie had a lot of shallow friendships in high school that neither side deemed worth keeping up when they went to college and she didn’t and that might’ve been both genders.

      She made the comment in comic Cinnamon (current post date September 4, 2013) that guys never worked up the nerve to ask her out in high school. So I think the checklist is a bit of a “finally a date” thing.

      As for sister impact, I suspect something slightly different. I’ve heard from some not-oldest siblings, who seemed quite individualistic and not to care about what others thought, that there was a strong internal drive not to be the same as one or more older sibs even in perfectly positive ways. I also noticed personally, from a near age relative who made a lot of mistakes and I generally knew all about them, that you can actually learn from others’ mistakes and don’t have to make all of them yourself. I would suspect a combination of those might’ve impacted how she interacted with others which, combined with her personifying laziness and guys being too intimidated to ask her out, would’ve been plenty to leave her with less of a social life then someone would guess to look at her now.

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