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Common Cannon Fodder

By popular request, I wrote her one additional strip. She fast became 'Juniper with less self awareness.' I didn't think that was possible. But here we are. Helps drive the visual that Assassins & Co. are successfully saving Ellie's night. Two new Patreons are up. Next comic Tuesday.

85 thoughts on “Common Cannon Fodder

  1. Bwahahaha I love the taste of paint stripper shots in dirty ashtrays. Okay, no I don’t. Bleargh…. (First?)

    1. Though it’s not exactly couth to refer to a woman as a “dumpster fire,” it might be worth making an exception for a woman’ who’s actually slamming down poison in public. Reminds me of this photo I saw once of a rather girthy young woman eating mayonnaise out of a jar while on a bus. She was using a spoon, to her credit, but still, as one commenter put it “…eating goddam mayonnaise out of a goddam jar in goddam public.”

      1. Gah, I remember that picture. I like to imagine they were going for shock value, and that it wasn’t actually mayo in the jar (vanilla pudding, if thickened, would be quite convincing)

        Bah, the spoonfuls of mayo haunt me!

        1. I did once come across a post, or Youtube video, recommending such acts for shocking others in public. Stuff like filling a jar of mayonnaise with some pudding, I think they may have also smeared Nutella and peanut butter to their lower back…though I may just be getting my jokes mixed up….

      2. Is using a spoon really to her credit? I mean if you’re going for a spectacle you should go for the full nine yards and you a child’s sand shovel or something to round out the picture.

        1. It was a wooden mixing spoon, and not some tiny little metal serving spoon, so there is that. The sand shovel would add to the insanity, but then it’d have to be a Costco sized jar (more of a bucket at that point) of mayo, and that’s harder to inconspicuously get onto mass transit.

        2. She could have been using her hands. Imagine how bad that debacle would have been. Handfuls of mayonnaise. On a bus. In the middle of the day.

        3. I have it on good authority that cookie monstering cookies and pulling off the effect right is a lot harder than it looks. I imagine doing the same with a highly viscous liquid would also take practice to properly pull off.

          @White Rice – A wooden spoon does make it better, but I was also picturing a slightly smaller sand shovel than I think you are. Though I also am not a fan of mayo, so I may also be overestimating the size of mayo jar openings.

      3. What’s the word when the dumpster fire is so big that it engulfs the entirety of 1871? That is what we have here, gents.

        1. I like getting more surreal rather than adding to size (or temporal activity).

          So I’d say she’s more of a dumpster fire where flaming rats run out of the dumpster, but then instead of continuing to run or put themselves out, they form a circle a few feet away, stand on their hind legs, join their fore paws, and start singing (not making chittering noises, actual high-pitched English) “It’s a Small World” while rotating in the circle until they collapse into cinders.

  2. Well, bravo, Loose Cannon. You’ve managed to make Juniper look responsible by comparison. Floor stripper. What happened, Loose Cannon, couldn’t you get down to the Shell station for a quart of Premium Unleaded?

    1. I bet it’s just that she couldn’t find napalm in the hotel closet she raided due to the items behind the bar being too high falutin’.

      1. Nah, she’s outstripped the usefulness of that high falutin’ top shelf stuff. I suspect it has something to do with that shoulder mounted weapons system fuel that mutated her metabolism.

    1. One of them actually is!

      I remember all those great episodes featuring Floor Stripper. Like when he broke into the Weather Dominator and turned it into a totally rad eighties night club.

      1. Floor stripper was great but his antics were so age group inappropriate that concerned parents protested and most of his appearances are edited out of later releases. If you can find his action figure it’s worth a fortune, only a small amount were sold before they were voluntarily recalled.

        1. Yea. He was E/I at another level though. I still remember his “beer before liquor” PSA. Knowing is half the battle indeed.

        1. Ha! That would’ve made a great strip. “There’s always a Juniperier Juniper.” Maybe “There’s always a Thottier Thot.” Like “fatter cat” and “younger teenager.”

    1. I’m sure Tarra has some kind of backup plan for this sort of thing. Cloning, biomechanics, whatever makes her braid super-strong, you know.

  3. Found a typo. Pretty sure that’s supposed to be ‘takes care of herself’ not ‘or herself’.

    Also, not sure how LC is ‘taking it slow’ compared to Tarra. And is she just wandering the Con making out with people and messing up their hair?

    Also also, panel 2 reads very differently if taken out of context.

  4. I think I like to imagine that a lot of her assassinations focus on things like this (chugging poison for lesser mortals and backwashing through a kiss) rather than more any more obvious weapons she carries.

      1. That’s a good point, but it doesn’t have to be devious on Loose Cannon’s part. The rest of the team could tell her it’s an adrenaline junky club and it’s devious on the rest of their parts.

    1. Kind of awesome how he went from scoffing at the dumpster fire to wanting another round of that sweet Loose Cannon. :D

  5. Yea. He was E/I at another level though. I still remember his “beer before liquor” PSA. Knowing is half the battle indeed.

  6. Well, with the way they both drink I’m fairly sure Loose Cannon and Juniper already know each other. The question now is if they are buds or mortal enemies.

    1. They’ve probably hit the same bar/club at the same time at least once.

      And proceeded to close them down by trying to drink each other under the table.

      1. And don’t forget, there’s Loose Cannon: The Lunch Box and Loose Cannon: The Breakfast Cereal with jalepeno marshmellow bits

    1. Yeah, I really like that one but it falls in the category of a lot of shirts I like in terms of “Can I give this to the person I’m thinking of giving it to without them taking it the wrong way?”

  7. Thinking about this a bit more, I’m not sure if her reaction here is irritated at being called a dumpster fire, or if it’s more of an “I’ll show you how great a dumpster fire can be” sort of thing.

    Either one fits, and I’m guessing it’s likely to be left to interpretation.

  8. Hey hey newest Patreon and big fan of the comic here. Just wanna say keep up the great work. I love the art, characters, and story you’re creating.

    1. Yes. Hello. In order to receive your box of week old donuts, along with the additional box of seasonal flavored fireworks, please log in to dateaseacaptain.com and click on “Respond to her”.

      In order to receive your box of week old donuts, with the additional packet of pumpkin spice flavored MSG, raise your right foot.

      In order to receive your box of old weak donuts, with the traditional cup of cop coffee, please provide proof that you did indeed purchase your current vehicle at a Mount Prospect city auction.

      In order to donuts of old receive weak box receive. Just hit replay all and enter your multipass number.

  9. Okay. I could NOT resist the Loose Cannon tshirt. I am as cheap as they come, but every now and again I am ready to ignore my ever-so-dutch heritage and throw a bit of cash as some sweet fandom swag. It’s worth every penny.

  10. Heck I’ma ordering a half-dozen for the next family reunion – this captures all of our heritage in one image!

  11. OMG. I’m watching AFV and this girl was saying, ‘that she was born for ninja soccer, that God made her for ninja soccer.’ Is the SHUFFLEVERSE bleeding over from Erf with every TWC vote?

    I sure as HELL, MI hope so.

    However, we were down to 41st earlier today. So, please continue to vote now that Christmas is over and give the gift that keeps on giving. The link can normally be found under the Patreon previews located on the right side of the screen, or find the link here. http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

  12. …and then I paid attention to the alt-text.


    I wondered what was going on with the skull and crossbones on the floor stripper, but there it is. It’s Hamm-Hamm.

      1. I think panel 3 has two good avatars in it, and panel 1 can join the mix for a total of four good ones from one comic.

        Though on the other hand, having too many like this would be an odd balance, and some of the more usual looking (but still obviously visually distinct) avatars with just a few out there ones mixed in (like we have now) does go nicely on the page.

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