Empty Calories

You'll be weakened from poor nutrition, then I'll defeat you. Loose Cannon plays the long game. XD UPDATE: Next comic is detail overload. Coloring it now. I'm going to have to push this back to Friday. See you then.

103 thoughts on “Empty Calories

        1. Well yeah, compared to either inky fish or shelled mammals, I got lucky in the “Blind Box Roulette”

          But the guy right behind me? He got his stuff, went out to his car, opened the box and nothing but Hobo Spiders. Talk about a mess.

        2. I’ve gotten something like five three-legged meerkats in a row. Obviously named “Lucky.”

        3. I got the DIY platypus, but the burger was noticeably messier thanks to the extra ketchup they put on my salad.

        4. There was a lot of angry squeaking and scratching coming from mine, so I haven’t tried opening to see if I got the Angry Squirrel or the Flustered Chipmunk.

          The guy behind me got the Greater Old One, and now he just sits in the booth whispering, “I can see forever …” over and over again.

    1. Am I really the only person who consistently gets a Ratchantulas? I don’t think you people are really going to O’ Jacks.

    1. I woudn’t say it’s shit, necessarily, but there’s certainly better. An Indifferent Meal is really rather mediocre.

    2. I find myself wondering what the back blast on that Indifferent launcher looks like.- I’m imagining a red-hot burst of over salted french fries

  1. See, I was kind of thinking she’d filled an Indifferent Meal box with poop… but I suppose I might not call the normal contents food either.

    1. Awwww yeeaaaaaah.

      She’ll shoot her way into yo heart. And yo house. And wherever it is yo workin at.

      LOOSE CANNON!

      Just talkin bout the cannon. Awww yeeaaaaah.

      LOOSE CANNON!

      She frightenin yo gramma!

      Scarin all the neighbors!

      Botherin yo livestock!

      DRINKIN YO PAINT THINNER!

      LOOSE CAN-NOOOOOON!

      An yo skinny jeans and man buns ain’t safe neither. From the Cannon.

      1. Loooo-OOOOOSSSEE CANNON!!
        (Explosions)

        {Loose Cannon is filmed before a live studio audience behind three sheets of bullet proof glass}

        1. This would be head and shoulders above anything they’ve got at Adult Swim right now.

        2. Wasn’t she already added retro-actively to an 80s violent cartoon called Head Cannon?

  2. What amazes me is that everybody has shown up. I think all three teams have gone up against Summer so far.

    1. I was curious, so I had to go check. You are correct. The three squads (as seen in 10/24/17 – Common Thread) are Slay Squad, Raiders, and Mage Squad.

      The two you see on the TV in the last comic (pink hat – Billie, and blue hair – Sophie) are from Slay Squad, which is the one Julianna (band-aid on cheek) was in before she decided to switch to the Raiders (as seen in 10/12/18 – When All the Pretty Birds Have Flown). Billie and Sophie recently had a small arc in the Patreon where they save Quinn from Stalker Pro after she gets drunk at a party the night of LoveCon.

      The two that Summer is dealing with in this comic (don’t know their names off the top of my head) are from Slay Squad (green outfit) and Mage Squad (blue outfit).

      Julianna was able to make her switch from Slay Squad because the rest of the Raiders (sans Loose Cannon) voted “yea” to kick out Tarragon and open up a spot. Appropriately, Loose Cannon voted “cheeseburger.” She is only one of the Raiders to show up to help Tarra so far, as the rest of the Raiders apparently thought Tarra is a bitch on wheels.

      1. I don’t think the act of showing up and launching an Indifferent Meal is sufficient to figure out that Loose Cannon doesn’t consider Tarra a bitch on wheels.

        I can’t really think of anything that I feel confident would give me insight into what’s going through Loose Cannon’s mind, though. Such insight might be one of those things like looking into Cthulu’s eyes.

      2. Wait…that’s not just blue outfit!

        …THAT’S EMOJI WITCH!!

        At least I think it is.

        Noooo! EMOJI WITCH!

  3. I’m kinda skurred.

    I think Loose Cannon May be my spirit animal. I didn’t wawant it that way, but she Jess kinda rolled in and set up shop.

  4. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
    http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

    Current stats at the time of this posting:

    SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 38th with 107 votes:
    —107.0000 v/d; 4.6522 v/hr; 0.0775 v/m.
    Puck is 31st with 129 votes:
    —129.0000 v/d; 5.6087 v/hr; 0.0935 v/m.
    Miss Melee is 25th with 149 votes:
    —149.0000 v/d; 6.4783 v/hr; 0.1080 v/m.
    Girl Genius is 6th with 594 votes:
    —594.0000 v/d; 25.8261 v/hr; 0.4304 v/m.
    Grrl Power is 2nd with 717 votes:
    —717.0000 v/d; 31.1739 v/hr; 0.5196 v/m.
    Stand Still. Stay Silent is 1st with 778 votes:
    —778.0000 v/d; 33.8261 v/hr; 0.5638 v/m.

    50th slot — 90 AV*: 90.0000; 3.9130; 0.0652.
    40th slot — 104 AV: 104.0000; 4.5217; 0.0754.
    20th slot — 198 AV: 198.0000; 8.6087; 0.1435.
    Top ten — 577 AV: 577.0000; 25.0870; 0.4181.
    Top five — 614 AV: 614.0000; 26.6957; 0.4449.
    * Accumulated votes

    1. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
      http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

      Current stats at the time of this posting:

      Giant Girl Adventures is 132nd with 95 votes:
      —31.6667 v/d; v/hr; 0.0330 v/m.
      Spindrift is 54th with 155 votes:
      —51.6667 v/d; 3.2292 v/hr; 0.0538 v/m.
      Puck is 32nd with 237 votes:
      —79.0000 v/d; 4.9375 v/hr; 0.0823 v/m.
      SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 27th with 294 votes:
      —98.0000 v/d; 6.1250 v/hr; 0.1021 v/m.
      Miss Melee is 24th with 315 votes:
      —105.0000 v/d; 6.5625 v/hr; 0.1094 v/m.
      Girl Genius is 9th with 1,109 votes:
      —369.6667 v/d; 23.1042 v/hr; 0.3851 v/m.
      Grrl Power is 3rd with 1,330 votes: “
      —443.3333 v/d; 27.7083 v/hr; 0.4618 v/m.
      Stand Still. Stay Silent is 1st with 1,483 votes:
      —494.3333 v/d; 30.8958 v/hr; 0.5149 v/m.

      50th slot — 158 AV*: 52.6667; 3.2917; 0.0549.
      40th slot — 208 AV: 69.3333; 4.3333; 0.0722.
      20th slot — 404 AV: 134.6667; 8.4167; 0.1403.
      Top ten — 1,086 AV: 362.0000; 22.6250; 0.3771.
      Top five — 1,182 AV: 394.0000; 24.6250; 0.4104.
      * Accumulated votes

      1. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
        http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

        Current stats at the time of this posting:

        Puck is 39th with 301 votes:
        —100.3333 v/d; 4.3623 v/hr; 0.0727 v/m.
        SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 27th with 294 votes:
        —98.0000 v/d; 4.2609 v/hr; 0.0710 v/m.
        Miss Melee is 26th with 462 votes:
        —154.0000 v/d; 6.6957 v/hr; 0.1116 v/m.
        Girl Genius is 9th with 1,495 votes:
        —498.3333 v/d; 21.6667 v/hr; 0.3611 v/m.
        Grrl Power is 4th with 1,778 votes: “
        —592.6667 v/d; 25.7681 v/hr; 0.4295 v/m.
        Stand Still. Stay Silent is 2nd with 2,045 votes:
        —681.6667 v/d; 29.6377 v/hr; 0.4940 v/m.
        Replay is 1st with 2,130 votes:
        —710.0000 v/d; 30.8696 v/hr; 0.5145 v/m.

        50th slot — 241 AV*: 80.3333; 3.4928; 0.0582.
        40th slot — 293 AV: 97.6667; 4.2464; 0.0708.
        20th slot — 589 AV: 196.3333; 8.5362; 0.1423.
        Top ten — 1,478 AV: 492.6667; 21.4203; 0.3570.
        Top five — 1,732 AV: 577.3333; 25.1014; 0.4184.
        * Accumulated votes

        1. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          Puck is 29th with 499 votes:
          —124.7500 v/d; 5.3656 v/hr; 0.0894 v/m.
          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 26th with 631 votes:
          —157.7500 v/d; 6.7849 v/hr; 0.1131 v/m.
          Girl Genius is 9th with 2,161 votes:
          —540.2500 v/d; 23.2366 v/hr; 0.3873 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 3rd with 2,989 votes: “
          —747.2500 v/d; 32.1398 v/hr; 0.5357 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 6,858 votes:
          —1,714.5000 v/d; 73.7419 v/hr; 1.2290 v/m.

          50th slot — 333 AV*: 83.2500; 3.5806; 0.0597.
          40th slot — 397 AV: 99.2500; 4.2688; 0.0711.
          20th slot — 750 AV: 187.5000; 8.0645; 0.1344.
          Top ten — 2,097 AV: 524.2500; 22.5484; 0.3758.
          Top five — 2,636 AV: 659.0000; 28.3441; 0.4724.
          * Accumulated votes

        2. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          Miss Melee is 26th with 748 votes:
          —149.6000 v/d; 6.2857 v/hr; 0.1048 v/m.
          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 24th with 832 votes:
          —166.4000 v/d; 6.9916 v/hr; 0.1165 v/m.
          Puck is 23rd with 860 votes:
          —172.0000 v/d; 7.2269 v/hr; 0.1204 v/m.
          Girl Genius is 8th with 2,721 votes:
          —544.2000 v/d; 22.8655 v/hr; 0.3811 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 2nd with 3,773 votes:
          —754.6000 v/d; 31.7059 v/hr; 0.5284 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 8,727 votes:
          —1,745.4000 v/d; 73.3361 v/hr; 1.2223 v/m.

          50th slot — 446 AV*: 89.2000; 3.7479; 0.0625.
          40th slot — 533 AV: 106.6000; 4.4790; 0.0746.
          20th slot — 1,108 AV: 221.6000; 9.3109; 0.1552.
          Top ten — 2,644 AV: 528.8000; 22.2185; 0.3703.
          Top five — 3,322 AV: 664.4000; 27.9160; 0.4653.
          * Accumulated votes

        3. Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 23rd with 981 votes:
          —163.5000 v/d; 7.0576 v/hr; 0.1176 v/m.
          Puck is 22nd with 984 votes:
          —164.0000 v/d; 7.0791 v/hr; 0.1180 v/m.
          Girl Genius is 8th with 3,205 votes:
          —534.1667 v/d; 23.0576 v/hr; 0.3843 v/m.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 2nd with 4,402 votes:
          —733.6667 v/d; 31.6691 v/hr; 0.5278 v/m.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 9,729 votes:
          —1,621.5000 v/d; 69.9928 v/hr; 1.1665 v/m.

          50th slot — 499 AV*: 83.1667; 3.5899; 0.0598.
          40th slot — 623 AV: 103.8333; 4.4820; 0.0747.
          20th slot — 1,108 AV: 184.6667; 7.9712; 0.1329.
          Top ten — 3,116 AV: 519.3333; 22.4173; 0.3736.
          Top five — 3,914 AV: 652.3333; 28.1583; 0.4693.
          * Accumulated votes

  5. im gonna start my own fastfood chain that serves nothing but fishfingers and swedish meatballs. i will call them logic meals.

  6. She could totally have waxed her if it wasnt just a silly box.

    But it could be full of ratchulas though…. am I the only one expecting that?

    1. Well, if the box did indeed contain Ratlantchulas, then that would mean that Loose Cannon and Cinnamon were in contact. Unless Loose Cannon raided the mall before it was burned down.

      1. Like I said, man…Cinnamon and Loose Cannon could have ended up friends. LC would teach Cinnamon how to not be so creepy that she frightens off serial killers and Cinnamon would show LC how to breed a weasel that kills on command. It’s a friendship made in a circle of hell!

  7. This comic makes me wonder what Loose Cannon had loaded back in comic Common Thread (current post date October 24, 2017).

  8. Now, I’m no stranger to NSFW content, but I gotta say, one of the things I really appreciate about this comic is that the NSFW content is always served up with a heavy dose of funny.

    It is never gratuitously thrown around to create extra “drama”. By itself, obscenity doesn’t really make anything deeper or more interesting or build more dramatic tension. But a lot of lazy writers think so.

    I love that when it shows up in Shotgun Shuffle, it is always in the service of a great punchline.

      1. I was thinking of the punchline being more along the lines of the inevitability of Seven Sister Squad (complete with Anise) showing up regardless of Tarra’s wishes

  9. Man do I want that package to be some sort of Pokémon like device. (Either capturing her or sending out one.)

        1. They could have been the Raiders for different reasons, though. Didn’t take the time to connect the dots.

      1. You didn’t have much good positive feelings for Steve’s reply to spammer?

        Very better! Much insightful! Truly he knows what the third seashell is for!!#!

      2. Purest gibberish, Muria. Actually, FAMOUS gibberish. It’s a meme. :D Just Google the whole thing and you’ll see its somewhat sordid history.

        And thanks to That One Guy for his equally incomprehensible praise. :D

      1. I approve of this. “CURSES! O’Jack’s double cheeseburger; my one weakness! Those two delicious flame-broiled patties, onion flakes, pickles, ketchup and mustard, all on a tiny bun! And no lettuce or tomato to throw away, either! O’Jack’s knows I want to get right to the good stuff, so that’s all they give you! Curse you, Loose Cannon, for firing such a delicious treat at me! Now I can’t kill Tarragon like I meant to, but second place is oh so delicious!”

  10. can’t . keep. self. from. building. toy.

    (noms undecided meal)

    [builds toy]
    {toy helps build more toys, toys combine into machine to defeat me}

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