Juniper Inc.

UPDATE: Next comic will be up Tuesday the 19th. I hate not having this done yet, and I'm quite pissed off at my own slowness with it, but it IS coming. I've put a good chunk of work into it, and it's detail-overload. One of the last extravagant comics I'll have to do for a while. Hopefully. Again, profusely apologize with the slowness. I've got so many irons in the fire, on top of drama llamas, and holiday misc (which is always hectic.) I just want to assure you I am not slacking. See ya, Tuesday.

108 thoughts on “Juniper Inc.

        1. Tut Tut young lady. It’s the norm is that make the money to keep the regular people occupied while those sexy female assassin’s carry out their missions. And perhaps be a target once in a while.

          By the way, “LOOSE CANON” was on TV tonight. Good show.

    1. Gosh, am I so old now that NOBODY remembers Chris-chan and Sonichu? I’M AN OLD MAN ON THE INTERNET ;_; Next thing I know I’ll scream “Badger Badger” and there’ll be no Mushrooms… :(

        1. I found it to be somewhat calming. Especially that one where she’s in front of the train to take a winter picture of the snow during a snowstorm.

          However, if you seem to be referring to…

          No, just tragic to a point.

        2. I admit to being fascinated. It just kept spiraling out of control. Everything was an escalation. It managed, somehow, to ONLY GET WORSE. A normal human has some ups and downs, but this guy would plateau, drop, ride the new plateau, and drop again. I had to keep reading just to see where rock bottom was, and I’m actually not sure it’s there yet.

        3. Okay, if this was something planned out to be dramatic on a comically ironic scale, then I could agree with that. However, I’m not quite sure that I’d want to watch something like that for entertainment.

        4. The old saying goes, Mr. Blue, that it’s like a train wreck. You don’t want to stare, but you can’t look away.

          You are, however, quite right in that, if this were actually PLANNED, it would be the last word in avant-garde humor. The equivalent of a multi-year piece of performance art would be an achievement that would have to qualify it for some award or other.

          That in itself makes it noteworthy that this whole thing–which would be an achievement if it were deliberate–appears to have happened wholly accidentally. It’s almost like finding a stalagmite in the shape of the Statue of Liberty, or Elvis’ face on a potato chip. The processes to make it happen artificially are a bit of a long shot to begin with, but for it to just happen organically is so unlikely as to be worth note.

    1. You know, I’m not exactly what you’d call a real social dynamo, and maybe things have changed since my day, but this kind of bizarre cyber-begging should turn people off. Yet it doesn’t seem to be affecting this mass one bit.

  1. Loose Cannon looks like she’s pouring that bottle of booze into her own cleavage… Me thinks too much of it has already made it into her bloodstream. :)

        1. Loose Cannon does what she WAWNTS, and what she wawnts is to get her shirt wet. It’s not a contest unless someone subsequently steps up and makes it one.

    1. They just CALL her “Loose Cannon.” Her real name is Lady Evelyn Hamptonfordshire. She won deportment awards from her finishing school and once composed a theme about civility and grace that was so eloquent it made her instructors weep.

      Then she discovered vodka.

      It was all downhill from there.

    1. Chris-Chan’s life, sadly, is mockery by its mere existence. You can’t actually talk about Chris-Chan without mocking him, or at least sounding like you are. Even when you’re trying frantically not to.

      1. Indeed, Juniper has inadvertently summed up his entire life. “Tragically fascinating.” That is straight-up what it is.

  2. First should be awarded to the person (s) who can prove that their cameo is present in this episode of norm is being offended to say, “hey, I’m in a comic, that’s a first. “

  3. So..all the sexy assassin girls have their orders from Tarra.
    The one named Loose Cannon is apparently borderline insane.
    And Juniper is working the crowd..in her own weird little way..

    Well then, (sits back in a chair, finds out there’s no popcorn, so brings out a bag of pretzels)

    This just gets better and better.

  4. Good to see that Nena survived. I wonder how much of Juniper’s current efficiency is due to Nena’s influence.

    1. Pretty much all of it is my guess. Additionally, Nena is doing an excellent job of distracting the line from the fact that she herself is actually a “real woman” by managing Juniper’s line.

  5. Okay, Anise? I’m sorry. Loose Cannon is now Best Girl. Seriously. Girl reminds me of Sledge Hammer from the old eighties TV series of the same name, only substantially more so.

    That guy kept a Smith & Wesson Model 629 on a pillow. He was known to not only talk to said handgun, but also shower with it. I would not be surprised to find that Loose Cannon not only bathes with her weapon, but has done even less savory things with it.

    1. I remember Sledge Hammer quite well. David Rasche was brilliant in it. My personal favourite quote on it was when Captain Trunk spots Sledge attaching something to his gun and asks “Is that a silencer?” Sledge replies “No, it’s not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener”

      1. David Rasche managed to look exactly like a guy who would randomly shoot people as part of everyday police duties. I got a chance to review the DVD set, and it was one of the most hilarious things I’d ever seen.

    1. Based on what we know about her so far, and her big sister’s performance, she’s off holding up a big sign that says “Your Wallet Must Be This Full To Date Me.”

  6. …and while I’m at it, James, what the hell are you doing, chief? This…this is sad. Even for you, James.

    It’s time to stop!

      1. Leave aside the balloons for a moment and look at that expression. The man has not clue one what he’s walking into.

        James, just walk away. Don’t play Juniper’s terrible games. You won’t win.

        1. There’s nothing wrong with being excited at the opportunity to speak with a pretty lady. And sometimes it’s not about winning, it’s about having fun.

          Also, balloons have been established as James’ thing.

        2. A pretty lady who’s demanding your annual income and giving you an Amazon wishlist BEFORE you’ll actually be admitted to speak to her?

        3. It’s a sellers market. If you want better quality you need more competition, but for now Juni’s got a monopoly. And not the kind Ellie likes.

          Plus, it’s not like anyone’s being forced to buy anything. If they have poor impulse control that’s on them.

        1. I wouldn’t call that cutting so much as starting an alternate line that you’re the only person in.

          Also breaking and entering.

          Plus, the scene I’m referring to actually has someone commenting on the fact that there is a line.

  7. i love his necklace xD
    also there has to be a catch with all of the sisters putting up with this scheme of elies. like ultimate favors

  8. Remembering Juniper’s love for her camera, I’m willing to bet her Instagram account is wonderful, truly wonderful.

  9. Dirty double-poster: is the party they just came from in *any* way related to the Patreon thumbnails in the right sidebar?

  10. Speaking as a fan of a couple years: I know that you’re a perfectionist, the rest of my fellow fans seem to know it and you certainly own that streak. So… maybe you should aim for shorter comics? I know that my preference is for more frequent updates over length. Especially with a work like yours where there’s so many details to pick out.

    Your art is gorgeous, the writing is amusing.. maybe the problem is with me. I do have an additive personality…

  11. Hey, here’s a funny way to show love for Chris and to help him make money.

    The 21 & Single gag gift certificate of authenticity.

    What better way to suggest to someone who is living in a basement to get a real job, girlfriend, bills, apartment and grandchildren?

    While this post is mostly in jocularitious jest, I think that actually offering the 21 & Single certificate on Society 6 for a few bucks would be a great fund raiser for the site.

  12. Hmm, looks like the sexy female assassin in the red half-shirt doesn’t show her face much. Just a quirk, or possible plot point?

  13. How many guys get alimony from their ex-wives! One, this dirt bag
    that makes money on the side and doesn’t claim it on taxes.
    His man card has been revoked and given some lipstick
    to use along with some knee pads. Classy

  14. He also lives at home with his mommy still. A real man… oh and
    I will meet you any day, you know how to get ahold of me.
    I won’t hide behind people, I will even let you try and draw
    blood first you little girl!

  15. Chris…hi, it’s Steve. You remember Steve, right? Been around a while, often comment on the strips. Love it out here, really. Great community, all like that.

    It felt like a good time to mention something fairly important.

    No one here–at least, no one who’s been here any length of time–believes that you’re slacking. Ever. We know that’s not what’s going on. We know that in the same way we know that, say, Hillary Clinton is not busy with quantum mechanics research. Or that Harvey Weinstein is not teaching manners to inner-city youth.

    The first person who suggests that’s what’s going on will be roundly shouted down in the comments. Really, that’s going to happen; you know I’ll be in on it. And this is easily one of the most civil comments sections you’re going to find on the internet today.

    Everyone here knows you’re knocking yourself out to make these. Sure, we’ve had some object to the level of quality. I’ve been one of them; I’m more a fan of plot than of art and the art’s already so good out here that it could easily drop a couple notches and still be one of the best-drawn strips around.

    So anyway, the point of this multi-paragraph wonder is just to point out that no one believes the delays are the result of laziness. Really, no one does. I’m speaking for a lot of people here but you’re probably not going to see a reply under here that says, dude, I totally think he’s being lazy. Stop speaking for me. It’s just not going to happen.

    1. WHOA, FAR OUT MAN.

      I mean, as like, the total slacker, you aren’t even in my league dude.

      Now, where’s the pizza dude?

      1. Sometimes things need to be said. Anyone comes in here accusing Rusche of being lazy gets five across the eyes in the strictest metaphorical sense.

    2. The old man has OCD; I know exactly why it’s usually late. Plus real-life bullcrap that seems to whirl around the poor guy like shit in a blender.. Pulling for the guy. About this being a polite web-board? Out of habit I raised an eyebrow, then remembered how I started reading this comic: I’m a Minnion (Stand Still, Stay Silent fan), our two comics were in competition, so what do we do? *Become friends*.

      I really don’t think I’ve seen that elsewhere.

      1. It really DOES sound like an outlandish claim until you look at it, doesn’t it? But yeah, that’s how things roll around here.

  16. I hadn’t thought about this before today,but as the black sheep sister, so to speak, Juniper has really got this situation in hand better than I thought. Like, the leagues of assassins will obviously be a huge help, and I’m not 100% on where Cinnamon and Anise are atm, but kudos to Juni here.
    And I’ll jump in on the bandwagon for this one.
    Dude, your artwork is the only piece I’ve ever payed to have professionally framed, and I still wear the buttons that you threw in that tube, like, a year or two ago. I not only can’t imagine anyone cranking out this level of art any faster and remaining healthy, I’m convinced that some day someone with Marvel or DC or something will see this and you’ll get a break to the big time. If I were in either company, a family like the Buckinghams would have a place alongside the Richards or the Waynes. That’s the quality we love to see, and the quality I give what little pittance I can to help support on Patreon. Keep awesoming.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

*

*