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Soft Touch

UPDATE: Next comic is absolutely kicking my ass. Up Friday. I need more time to color this. It's the wrap up comic for this chapter and it's stupid detailed. See you guys then. And thanks as always :)

112 thoughts on “Soft Touch

  1. I do believe this is the first time he has ever considered baldness to be a positive trait. Are we perhaps discovering our heroine’s true ability? Hmmmmmm.

    1. Congratulations on completing the application for first. Please take your application to Steve on the third floor for your complimentary basket of fruit and free birthday cake sketches.

        1. ‘Tis true, although it is debated whether this refers to their shape, their makers, or *gulp* their contents. Namesake has hot chocolate and brownies. I think a fruit basket is lovely. Orrr maybe a nice box of Grape-Nuts.

        2. Here is your fruit basket

          –hands over a basket of tomatoes–

          and your birthday cake sketch.

          iiiiiiiiii
          |:H:a:p:p:y:|
          __|___________|__
          | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
          | :B:i:r:t:h:d:a:y: |
          | |
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Thank you for competing in the Shotgun Shuffle First Stakes. Now, I have a red Swingline to see to. That I brought from home.

    1. If there’s one thing I know, you’re never going to be “handsome” the way Daddy is, so you’ve shaved for nothing.

      1. Hmmm, I wonder if being bald as her dad AND having a wizard length beard gives me bonus points with “the Weird One”.

  2. The eyebrows have it. Yes, that is the beginning of a smile (us old guys get that when younger women are sweet to us). He’s gonna have a hard time firing her after that, though.

    And since nobody else has said it, ahem “First!”

    1. Awww, can’t remember when the last time a young Gal was nice to me… then again, I might to get rid of my streetwise Hippie Hair (so never) :sadmcfatfatissad:

  3. We know he won’t be changing his mind about anything he thinks will bring the site too much scrutiny, but I’m wondering if Ellie has convinced him to be a bit softer in his method of handling telling her that there isn’t any more work planned for her.

    1. Easy way to do it would be to tell her that the company was badly in debt to begin with, and the money she raised got them out of that. That being said, they can’t very well go back IN to debt so readily, so there’s no money to pay her future salary.

      1. Indeed, there are many ways to not be big jerks about how to break it to her.

        Although, the hotel’s owners might prefer something that’d level the building instead.

  4. “Escort her out the back door before she starts crying,” huh? Who’s gonna escort YOU out the back door when YOU start crying? Huh, Mister Dignity?

    1. I guess that would be Tara BEFORE going apeshit on him. Not for fireing Ellie (well maybe) but for making her entertain the crowd^^

  5. Is Terra staying to watch the speech? If so will she Furiously, Irately, Righteously Start Terrorizing tired guy and his henchfolk?

    1. And then the true meaning of Lovecon came through / And Tired Guy found the dignity of ten bald guys! …plus two.

        1. …I was told I could stay on the third floor, because I brought my own stapler. From home.

        2. Hello Steve, how’s it goin. Listen, I’m going to need you to push your desk all the way back as possible, we need to store some bosses in here. Ah! That’s where the fruit basket has been. Look I’ll just go ahead and take this here for you.

        3. And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, and unusually fat too, like someone had been feeding them until they were like big round balls of squirrel…

          But then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll, I’ll, I’ll set the building on fire…

        4. How’s it going intern Steve?

          Mmmm, yeah. We’re going to need to move your desk down into the basement. Oh, there it is, let me get that there. You know we really need to have more cake.

          But you wouldn’t know about that, would you intern Steve?

        5. You totally missed it. We were modifying quotes from How The Grinch Stole Christmas to meet the strip’s events.

    2. His heart grew three sizes? That’s a sign of serious health problems! How’s he going to make it to 127 if he has coronary artery diseaseand/or COPD?

  6. If Ellie keeps using her charm like that, she’s gonna end up owning the 52. Now I’m wondering if she’s gonna turn up in their lineup.

  7. If Uncle Dick decides to keep Ellie on, it might be in her former capacity as renewal date-bait. If he tries that I think she’s going to quit. Planning/running this event was probably an eye-opener for her – a job she’s good at, enjoys, and where she has responsibility and control? She’s never had that combination before, and probably won’t put up with going back to a suckier gig.

  8. Please vote for Chris on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx
    Current stats at the time of this posting:

    SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 58th with 851 votes.
    —70.916 v/d; 2.954 v/hr; 0.049 v/min.
    Stand Still. Stay Silent is currently 6th with 5,812 votes.
    —484.333 v/d; 20.180 v/hr; 0.336 v/min.
    Grrl Power is still 1st with 14,531 votes.
    —1,210.9 v/d; 50.454 v/hr; 0.840 v/min.

    40th slot needs better than 1,118 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.881 v/hr
    20th slot needs to beat 3,715 AV. —12.889 v/hr
    Top ten needs to best 4,679 AV. — 16.246 v/hr
    Top five needs to beat 6,294 AV. — 21.854 v/hr

    1. Please vote for Chris on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx
      Current stats at the time of this posting:

      SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 57th with 909 votes.
      —69.923 v/d; 2.913 v/hr; 0.048 v/min.
      Stand Still. Stay Silent is currently 6th with 6,203 votes.
      —477.153 v/d; 19.881 v/hr; 0.331 v/min.
      Grrl Power is still 1st with 15,084 votes.
      —1,160.307 v/d; 48.346 v/hr; 0.805 v/min.

      40th slot needs better than 1,216 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.897 v/hr
      20th slot needs to beat 4,098 AV. —13.134 v/hr
      Top ten needs to best 5,020 AV. — 16.089 v/hr
      Top five needs to beat 6,692 AV. — 21.448 v/hr

      1. Please vote for Chris on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx
        Current stats at the time of this posting:

        SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 57th with 987 votes.
        —70.5 v/d; 2.95375 v/hr; 0.0489 v/min.
        Stand Still. Stay Silent is currently 6th with 6,607 votes.
        —471.928 v/d; 19.663 v/hr; 0.327 v/min.
        Grrl Power is still 1st with 15,639 votes.
        —1,117.071 v/d; 46.544 v/hr; 0.775 v/min.

        40th slot needs better than 1,304 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.880 v/hr
        20th slot needs to beat 4,116 AV. —12.250 v/hr
        Top ten needs to best 5,396 AV. — 16.059 v/hr
        Top five needs to beat 7,105 AV. — 21.154 v/hr
        Second – 7,870 AV — 23.422 v/hr.

        1. Please vote for Chris on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx
          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE jumped to 54th with 1,058 votes.
          —70.533 v/d; 2.938 v/hr; 0.0489 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is holding 6th with 7,069 votes.
          —471.266 v/d; 19.636 v/hr; 0.327 v/min.
          Grrl Power is slowly slipping in 1st with 16,281 votes.
          —1,085.4 v/d; 45.225 v/hr; 0.75375 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than 1,349 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.747 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 4,128 AV. —11.466 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 5,743 AV. — 15.952 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat 7,448 AV. — 20.688 v/hr

        2. Please vote for Chris on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx
          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 54th with 1,165 votes.
          —72.8125 v/d; 3.0338 v/hr; 0.050 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is holding 6th with 7,646 votes.
          —477.875 v/d; 19.911 v/hr; 0.331 v/min.
          Grrl Power is slowly slipping in 1st with 17,061 votes.
          —1,066.3125 v/d; 44.429 v/hr; 0.7404 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than 1,459 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.799 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 4,981 AV. —12.971 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 6,185 AV. — 16.106 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat 7,891 AV. — 20.549 v/hr

        3. Vote on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE slid to 56th with 1,282 votes.
          —71.222 v/d; 2.967 v/hr; 0.0494 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is William Holdingon to 6th with 8,511 votes.
          —472.833 v/d; 19.701 v/hr; 0.328 v/min.
          Grrl Power is still slipping in 1st with 18,018 votes.
          —1,001 v/d; 41.708 v/hr; 0.695 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than 1,625 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.761 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 5,305 AV. —12.280 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 7,025 AV. — 16.261 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat 8,951 AV. — 20.719 v/hr

      1. I think that the time we’ve come that close would be after the fight, and that was her treating Quinn like she would her sisters. No that should be second. Danny should be close to what we’ve seen, and Caleb may have shown the girls that douchebags can be useful at some times as well. Well, what about the math teacher? Alex may have to be in the top three, because I think that I’m saying we have no idea who has crossed her.

        1. I don’t think Ellie viewed Mr. Doogan as crossing her, he was stalking her and creeping her out. Definitely different responses.

  9. Vote on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

    Current stats at the time of this posting:

    SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 55th with 1,399 votes.
    —73.631 v/d; 3.067 v/hr; 0.051 v/min.
    Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 9,196 votes.
    —484.0 v/d; 20.1667 v/hr; 0.3361 v/min.
    Grrl Power is in 1st with 19,086 votes.
    —1,004.526 v/d; 41.855 v/hr; 0.697 v/min.

    40th slot needs better than 1,712 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.754 v/hr
    20th slot needs to beat 6,166 AV. —13.521 v/hr
    Top ten needs to best 7,520 AV. — 19.789 v/hr
    Top five needs to beat 9,639 AV. — 20.546 v/hr

    1. Vote on TWC. The link to vote on TWC can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by following this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

      Current stats at the time of this posting:

      SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 54th with 1,458 votes.
      —72.9 v/d; 3.0375 v/hr; 0.050625 v/min.
      Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 9,815 votes.
      —490.75 v/d; 20.4479 v/hr; 0.340 v/min.
      Grrl Power is 1st with 19,846 votes.
      —992.3 v/d; 41.345 v/hr; 0.689 v/min.

      40th slot needs better than 1,793 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.375 v/hr
      20th slot needs to beat 6,479 AV. —13.497 v/hr
      Top ten needs to best 7,940 AV. — 16.541 v/hr
      Top five needs to beat 10,292 AV. — 21.441 v/hr

      1. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by using this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

        Current stats at the time of this posting:

        SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 53th with 1,528 votes.
        —72.761 v/d; 3.031 v/hr; 0.050 v/min.
        Stand Still. Stay Silent/i> is 6th with 10,126 votes.
        —482.190 v/d; 20.091 v/hr; 0.334 v/min.
        Grrl Power is 1st with 20,225 votes.
        —963.095 v/d; 40.128 v/hr; 0.68 v/min.

        50th slot – 1,616 AV. — 3.206
        40th slot needs better than 1,880 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.370 v/hr
        20th slot needs to beat 6,846 AV. —13.583 v/hr
        Top ten needs to best 8,173 AV. — 16.216 v/hr
        Top five needs to beat 10,616 AV. — 21.063 v/hr

        1. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by using this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 53th with 1,612 votes.
          —73.2727 v/d; 3.053030 v/hr; 0.050 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 10,675 votes.
          —482.227272 v/d; 20.217 v/hr; 0.336 v/min.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 21,017 votes.
          —955.31818 v/d; 39.804 v/hr; 0.663 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than 1,899 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.59659090 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 6,972 AV. —13.204545 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 8,516 AV. — 16.128787 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat 11,060 AV. — 20.946969 v/hr

        2. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the second and first Patreon previews,
          or by using this link:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 52nd with first,68first votes.
          —73.086 v/d; 3.045 v/hr; 0.050 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with firstfirst,052 votes.
          —500.086 v/d; 20.836 v/hr; 0.347 v/min.
          Grrl Power is FIRST with 2first,458 votes.
          —932.9565 v/d; 38.873 v/hr; 0.647 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than first,993 accumulated votes (AV). — 3.6first0 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 6,986 AV. —first2.665 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 8,782 AV. — first5.909 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat firstfirst,405 AV. — 20.66first v/hr

          This post is a parody of the first post, and thus should not be counted as first.

        3. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by using this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx Current stats at the time of this posting: SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 51st with 1763 votes. —73.45833 v/d; 3.060 v/hr; 0.0510 v/min. Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 11,622 votes. —4884.25 v/d; 20.177 v/hr; 0.336 v/min. Grrl Power is 1st with 22,081 votes. —920.04166 v/d; 38.335 v/hr; 0.638 v/min. 40th slot needs better than 2,072 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.59722 v/hr 20th slot needs to beat 7,866 AV. —13.65625 v/hr Top ten needs to best 9,273 AV. — 16.098 v/hr Top five needs to beat 11,983 AV. — 20.8038194444 v/hr

        4. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the Patreon previews,
          or by using this link: http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 51st with 1763 votes.
          —73.45833 v/d; 3.060 v/hr; 0.0510 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 11,622 votes.
          —484.25 v/d; 20.177 v/hr; 0.336 v/min.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 22,081 votes.
          —920.04166 v/d; 38.335 v/hr; 0.638 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than 2,072 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.59722 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 7,866 AV. —13.65625 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 9,273 AV. — 16.098 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat 11,983 AV. — 20.8038194444 v/hr

          ps. I cleaned it up.

        5. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the Patreon previews, or by using this link:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 51st with 1,843 votes.
          —73.72 v/d; 3.071666 v/hr; 0.0511 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 12,092 votes.
          —483.68 v/d; 20.153333 v/hr; 0.3358888 v/min.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 22,596 votes.
          —903.84 v/d; 37.66 v/hr; 0.6276666 v/min.

          40th slot needs better than 2,116 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.52666 v/hr
          20th slot needs to beat 7,921 AV. —13.201666 v/hr
          Top ten needs to best 9,571 AV. — 15.951666 v/hr
          Top five needs to beat 12,501 AV. — 20.835 v/hr

        6. Vote on TWC. The link can be found just below the Patreon previews or by using this link:
          http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx

          Current stats at the time of this posting:

          SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 49th with 1,926 votes.
          —74.076 v/d; 3.086 v/hr; 0.0514 v/min.
          Stand Still. Stay Silent is 6th with 12,673 votes.
          —487.4230769 v/d; 20.309 v/hr; 0.338 v/min.
          Grrl Power is 1st with 23,414 votes.
          —900.538 v/d; 37.522 v/hr; 0.625 v/min.

          40th slot — 2,177 acumulated votes (AV). — 3.488 v/hr
          20th slot — 8,614 AV. —13.804 v/hr
          Top ten — 9,942 AV. — 15.932 v/hr
          Top five — 12,974 AV. — 20.791666 v/hr

    1. No, no…not till tomorrow. He’s only missed one check-in back on Friday. If there’s nothing by the end of the day today, then we should want an update.

    1. Seems like there are an awful lot of loose ends to wrap up with one strip. We haven’t seen Anise since this whole mess started, and Tarra’s still running around loose and unsupervised.

        1. Indeed! She may be a one-off, but man, I want some resolution there. Backstory and such. How do you get to be a woman who smokes half a pack at once while slamming floor stripper direct from the can? Will she hook up with Fenix Shirt for being the one man willing to call her a “dumpster fire” in public, not fearing the death that would normally follow?

          …or will she merely be dead at the end of this chapter because she decided that those electrical sockets look really fun to lick?

        2. I’d think that she’d go all Uncle Fester and tongue a light socket instead of a wall socket. It’d giver her an all new hairdo.

      1. A lot of the loose ends could be noodle incidented.

        I can see Ian & Richard walking along talking about all the things that happened off-panel here and at the end Richard claims James met a girl who picked him up with balloons and Ian considers that finally unbelievable.

        1. I don’t know. Wouldn’t the guys have noticed how James gave out balloons to girls over the years? So, maybe 50/50 on their accepting it?

        2. Yes, they absolutely would’ve known about James giving balloons too girls, and that’s exactly why the idea of a girl giving out balloons to guys as an ice breaker would seem unbelievable.

        3. Nah, Ian knows better than that, at least. I was more going for James’ habit of doing that being such a longstanding joke that a girl doing the same to him just seems immediately unbelievable.

        4. I think that I was trying to hit on that. But I didn’t see the, “Yeah. Right man, pull my other leg” that you were trying to make. I thought that I was trying to just say that women don’t need a means to attract attention outside of being a woman. But then on the other hand, yes, it seems rediculously impossible and implausible that a women would be utilizing James’ methods.

          But I just realized what kind of assassin that Jessica would be. Breaker of nerd’s hearts. She would be utilized to target high profile l, successful nerds who haven’t either acclimatized to standard societal norms of interpersonal relationships because of their over and heavy-handed approaches that result in demolishing the lives of women in their wake psychologically. Thus the combined actions of the Anglican, Catholic, Buddhist, Mennonite, Agnostic and Atheist council on widow’s rights has been Jessica’s primary contact.

          Just don’t ask her about Steve Jobs.

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