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Stand There and Be Quiet

Okay, I don't physically have enough time to squeak Friday's post out. I got a 75% completed strip, and I have to start driving my kiddies out of state to see their madre. There and back will consume most of the day. So I'll have to make it up on Monday for you guys. Here's hoping this is the last schedule conflict I have for a while, and I'm able to gain a buffer in my parenting-free vacation time. :P While you're waiting, I do need a ridiculously bad movie concept if any of you can think of one. I need something that you can tell will be God-awful just from the title. Best one gets in an upcoming comic.

308 thoughts on “Stand There and Be Quiet

  1. Kardashiana Jones
    Warhamster
    M. Night Shamalan’s James Bond
    Use Boll’s E.T. – The Game: The Movie
    Four Frames Of Fate: The Story Of Newspaper-Styled Webcomics
    Sega Genesis Evangelion
    Stop. Collaborate. Listen. The Vanilla Ice Story
    Tromboner
    Wes Anderson’s Batman

      1. We don’t know what the movie’s for yet. It might be Richard’s pick from Patreon, it could be one of Pumpkin’s favorite bad movies, a poster of a movie that someone passes by, or it could be someone gets a walk-on part for a movie.

        If the last is correct and that person is Juniper, then I think Tromboner is the shoe in.

  2. Funny thing about this, back at my grade school i heard legends foretold about a student written play by the 6th grade class that they performed in front of living breathing people. While i never got to see it, i heard that it was probably one of the worst things ever conceived by the minds of the 5/6 graders the world over. The name, was Lord of the Brunch, the concept: a cross between the lord of the rings and the breakfast club. And i can scarcely fathom the horrors contained in that script. But I’m sure it’ll make for an interesting bad movie.

    1. I honestly wish i knew, my teacher mentioned it in passing and probably regretted saying that much to us. He refused to describe it or show us the tape and if he is smart he’s probably salted and burned it by now. Although I think sporks may have been involved. its too awful to think about, and yet so bad you can’t help but wonder.
      Oh nice job on second breakfast club btw, I think most people would get that right off the bat.

    1. I think a WordPress update altered the comic page link behavior. You have to click on the comments link on the page for it to show the link to go to previous pages.

    1. That actually sounds quite awesome.

      If only I hadn’t sworn off Mel Gibson (and Tom Cruise) movies because I refuse to support batshit crazy insane people.

      1. I wouldn’t say Gibson is batshit insane, just bigoted. (Cruise, however…)

        I forgot to add to my previous post my opinion (Humble? Awesome? Worthless? You choose.) on Danny and Caleb. Danny’s a dick. Caleb is all right in my books for despite him being associated w. Danny he did put Danny in his proper place… which was the crapper.

  3. Return to Battlefield Earth (because it wasn’t bad enough the first time, Hollywood decides to give it a sequel)

    Or

    Gigli 2: Electric Bugaloo. Break dancing, mobsters, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, all rolled into one super bad movie with no plot save the capitalize close ups of Ben Affleck’s perfectly sculpted chin.

  4. Long time reader, first time poster. These are just too funny not to add some more

    UberKrote: Nazi Death Frogs from Space (Previous title The 12 1/2 Reich’s Warts of DOOOM!!)
    Catnado VS Death Litter
    Bad Max Beyond Thunderbone
    Strawberry Shortcake All Grown Up: The Fermented Series
    50 Shades of Clay starring Whoopi Goldberg

  5. Thanks for the Welcome mat. This is an interesting, and funny, story of family dynamics plus bildungsroman. With a twiat of Dheu added..

    Congrats on the Quarter-long Quicksand competition, and winning with class!

  6. “The candy cotton machine from hell”

    Plot: A reformed aerialist struggles to raise his violoncello savant daughter inside the rigid society of their space colony… when the unexpected happens.
    Rated: R for Language, Sexual Content and Violence.
    Genre: Romantic.

    Based on the 90s best seller “Living with steroids”.

  7. A battle for the ages: 2000s sweetheart Elian Gonzalez versus a reddit user that gives everyone credit for the things they do… Coming this summer: Elian vs. Creditor.

  8. Batman vs. Superman vs. Alien vs. Predator vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash vs. King Kong vs. Godzilla vs. Mothra vs. King Ghidora vs. Ecks vs. Sever vs. Billy the Kid vs. Bonnie and Clyde vs. Dinocroc vs. Supergator vs. Mega Shark vs. Giant Ocotopus vs. The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy vs. Dracula vs. Frankenstein vs. The Wolfman vs. The Mummy vs. The Invisible Man vs. The Creature from the Black Lagoon Meet Abbot and Costello vs. Scott Pilgrim.

    Then have someone say something along the lines of “there were too many sub-plots. They should’ve just kept the focus on the ‘Batman vs. Superman vs. Alien vs. Etc.” main battle'”

  9. Ok, I feel like I cheated by writing down all the ideas that came to me since yesterday. Some of these do come close to previous entries, but I liked them so offering as alternate versions.

    Also I think we now have enough movie titles to populate several boxes of bad movie collections.

    * The Sewers of Venice (featuring Smell-O-Vision!)
    * You Can’t Arrest Me! I Haven’t Finished Filming This Movie!
    * All Things Dull & Ugly
    ** Opening credits to the Monty Python song of the same name
    * Dances With Earthworms
    ** Alternately: Dances With Wolf Spiders
    * Oh God! We Should Have Fed It When We Had the Chance!
    * Midafternoon of the Lawn Gnome Snatchers
    * Fetish Me!
    * In Retrospect, Setting It On Fire Was a Bad Idea
    * She Never Told Me That She Was a Marblevore
    * Badgerquake
    ** Spiritual successor to SyFy’s Sharknado
    * The Son I Created With Toenail Clippings and Earwax
    * Why Do I Always Push the Big Red Button?
    * Flatumancer
    * The Path of Fiberglass Itchiness
    * The Gerbil Tamer
    * Trigger Happy — My Affair with Roy Rogers’ Horse
    * All the Gonorrhea
    * I Was Surprised You Let Me Near the Tablesaw
    * The Alphabetical Guide to Things I’ve Spit On
    * Peeing on Jefferson’s Foot
    * A Fist Full of Restaurant Mints
    * For a Few Bathrobes More
    * And That’s How I Became a Quadruple Amputee
    * Vomit Collectors
    * Pantstasitc Jack
    * The Hamburgler Goes Straight
    * Some Guys Have All the Lice
    * Searching For the Famed Brick Shithouse
    * Improvising Replacements for Toilet Paper
    * Addicted to Embroidery
    * A Study of Things that Make Focus Groups Nauseous
    * Riding In Cars With Dictators
    * The Devil’s Swing Set
    * Why Didn’t You Tell Me That Was a Permanent Marker?
    * The Origin and Growth of Stick Figure Pornography
    * Wafflepocolypse
    * Wanna’ See My Rash?
    * Launchin’ Myself in my Catapult
    * Chewing Up Circuit Boards for Fun and Profit
    * Reviving the Lost Art of the Power Dump
    * Filled with Pus
    * Why Won’t You Let Me Lick That?
    * When I Think of Mr. Snuffleupugus, I Touch Myself
    * My Year With the Mimes of New Jersey
    * I Told You I Could Fit in the Dishwasher if We Took the Racks Out
    * Esperanto Nation
    * The Prime Minister’s Armpit
    * 101 Forbidden Uses of Chocolate
    * Pocket Lint Changed My Second Cousin’s Life
    * Bend Over and I’ll Show You
    ** Credit goes to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation for the title
    * Embarrassing Noises 14
    * Things I Shouldn’t Have Said to My Girlfriend’s Dad
    * Mr. Wiffle Goes Postal
    * I think That Stripper Really Liked Me
    * Breast Implants From Outer Space
    * Undignified Ways to Die
    * Oregon Finklestien and the Ill-Smelling Classroom Assignment
    * Animals I Incorrectly Thought Were My Friends
    * Amateur Cameraman Filming a Bumpy Road
    * Preschoolers Getting Lost at a Clown Convention
    * The Curse of the Mohel
    * Elmo and the Bad Touch
    * The Revenge of Argyle
    * The Hospital Gown That Seared My Soul
    * Dude, Where’s My Kidney?
    * Shaving Cousin It
    * Locked in a Coffin with 500 Spiders
    * The Day Gravity Told Me to F*** Off
    * Gone With the Wind — redubbed entirely in chimpanzee screeching
    * Geriatric Boogaloo
    * Horseface McGinty and the Disappearing Car Keys
    * Fifty Shades of Gravy — Julia Child’s “Experimental” Years
    * Never Kick a Midget
    * How Miss Piggy Got Her Groove Back
    * The Embarrassing Truth About Nose Hair
    * Intestinal Discomfort of the Gods
    * Lucky the Three Legged Dog and the Food on the Counter
    * Moist
    * Puppets I Have Loved
    * The Joy of Sects
    * People on Anesthesia Say the Darnedest Things
    * Mouth Full of Splinters
    * The Proud History of Men Scratching Themselves
    * Lord of the Ringworm
    * The Curious Case of Ulyssys S. Grant’s Nipples
    * Crab-walking With Heroes — Based on a True Story
    * Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of the Thrice-Crapped Pants
    * Attack of the Cheerful Morning People
    * Horton Hears a Hoedown
    * Shaolin Orthodontia
    * Hungry For Muffins
    * It All Started With a Banana Hammock
    * 97 Minute Close-Up of a Mole on Patton Oswald’s Butt
    * Afternoon Chocolate Delight — Story of a Food Molester

  10. Lots of movies up there…but I think I might have some terrible additions to the mix (I didn’t get to read all the subs, so apologies if I release something someone else said)
    Ahem:
    Ex-Men: Bobbitts Revenge
    Star Wars: The Empire Takes a Nap
    The Fast & The Furry-ous
    Internet Tough Guy: The Musical
    Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game: The Movie
    Quilting: An in-depth Socio-political Analysys of the Amish.
    M. Night Shamalamadingdong presents, A Uwe Boll film, Tommy Wiseau’s “The Parking Space”

    Yeah, that’s enough of that from me…I couldn’t bring myself to include Michael Bay in that last one…it would have been too much.

    1. Yes, if you’d done that, the Hawking Radiation might have killed everyone (and if they survived that, the Spaghettification certainly would have finished the job).

      1. But there actually is a “Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game” and if there was a movie adaptation of THAT game, that’s where we’d be heading.

        Note regarding the game: motion captured moves from actual people in costume, inclusion of characters that weren’t in the movie, and really weird looking special attacks (you can’t make a “real” hadoken with the tech of the time, it’s just wrong)

        On the bright side, it opened up a whole realm of possible movie/game titles that haven’t been touched on yet. I’m still waiting for a game based on the Super Mario Bros. movie :-D

        1. I like the idea of a musical for a game where no one talks. All the singing should be done like adults in Charley Brown.

  11. Scott & Dave’s Caravan Ride To Hell II: Blowin’ Shit Up in 3D. The prequel to the sequel of the remake of the 1970’s made for t.v. Monday night Movie of the Week.

  12. Ok, now just for the fun of it :)

    Plot: In the year 2135 two former bodybuilders, after being banned for life from the competence circuits due the use of forbidden substances, form a space mining company, and face a media war against environmentalists that accuse them of over-exploding minor planets despite first time discovery of extraterrestrial life.

    Title: Asteroid abuse

  13. Ex-men 3: Trans Unite
    Protagonist v Antagonist
    I, Robot; Starring Will Smith


    Oh, wait, that last one is real.

  14. Classic eighties cartoon with bullet time and explosions from director Michael Bay starting Meghan Fox in the role she was born to play, the girl whose looks are more memorable than her name!

  15. M. Night Shamalan’s “Eue Boll the Musical”

    The twist is that Kirsten Stewart was Due Boll the entire time.

        1. First: It’s auto-corkboard.

          Second: It’s completely borken.

          Third: It’s worth investing the time to turn off, even if it takes half a day.

  16. Missouri Maked Movie: 25% less fat. This movie is more healthier for you than Kentucky Fried Movie.

    Plus the alarm guy is back with new 1980s car alarm sound, staring Robert Stark as Colonel Kramer. Robert Hays as the pilot, Julie Hagerty as the forbidden love interest, David Leisure as some religious guy.

  17. Okay, for anyone who is curious to know. The first round vote for the joint group name (heh Joint. DAVE’S NOT HERE) has been finished for almost three hours now. The brackets have been updated. I’ll admit that was about 40 minutes of clicking, typing, filling in, double checking and stuff. And the poll seems to match up with the brackets.

    GO NARS!!!

    Anyway, now to put up the new poll for the next round of brackets.

    1. Bracket found here: http://www.bracketmaker.com/tmenu.cfm?edit=1&tid=459003&tclass=

      The next bouts are between:
      –Shunnions vs. Shuffions;
      –SSSSfASSSSmSSiSSSly vs. Shot Minns;
      –Minnion Shufflers vs. Bob;
      –Weekend SSSSurvivors vs. The League of Super S Friends;
      –Minnions/Shufflers vs. CrMinns
      –USSSSSSV:ers vs. GWS (Grosslings With Shotguns);
      –SSSSSS vs. North Atlantic Round Squirrels;
      –Super S-Squad vs. Mint Iced Jalapeno Chocolate Squirrel Cookies.

      Have I Mentioned how much I hate this stupid mouse pad?

    2. Okay, the round one results have been entered into the brackets, and the time estimated from the start to just a few minutes ago has been set around one and a half hours. Mind you that is for a 32 place bracket. The stupid mouse pad has kicked in a few mistakes. Also, setting the poll for round two in order to have a more of a “vs.” feel to it. Pick one from Column A or pick the one opposite it from Column B. I sound like Buddy Hackett in a Chinese Restaurant. I have that one on a cassette tape.

      So, while playing with some of the controls from the poll, perhaps the time could have been set retroactively to the deadline set earlier. I have not changed that yet. However, for part of the round two experiment. I will add one day to the end of the polling, but only take the deadline time as the accurate count.

      Adjusting the security on the vote in limiting the number of votes per time period also had an effect on the results. NARS still won, but some of the other votes were different. It was 23 – 15 for NARS showing as a difference between no security and multiple votes to high security and one vote per person over the time that the poll was open for round one. Also, the vote count was reduced by one voter with the change in security. The results have not been downloaded, for each of the security settings.

      All in all, I’m just curious about the background workings on the tournament. On top of that, there were the numbers from the donations to have to account for things. But again, with an excel spreadsheet, that should not have taken up more than about thirty minutes of additional time. So, extrapolating for 128 positions, the first round could have taken them approximately a good seven hours when allowing for breaks, phone calls and other interruptions. Not to mention that they had donations for the seeding round, so perhaps a good ten hours for the seeding round.

      Oh yeah, having the polls set up for the next round took a bit of chronalistic juggling. That’s almost an art form. Maybe not. 16 positions, 2 columns. I’ll have to see what round three brings.

  18. Let’s not forget the Top Web Comic vote. The box is usually found above the peeks to the Patreon strips. Anyway, with Howard Joel Wollowitz on the tv screen, here are the links in the comments below. Remember, vote often, vote illegaly, Remember a, Remember B, to hell with them, vote for me.

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