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Terms and Conditions-Part 5

He can't see what you're doing, anyway.. So the last time I was at WalMart, I found someone's discarded grocery list in my cart. I've stumbled across a few in the past, but none this amusing. Needless to say, I don't feel as bad for all the past misspellings I've had in the comic. Growshery Leest Now you may see some of these and be a bit confused. While many can be deciphered, like Eglish Peas or May-noise.. there are a few I may need to illustrate for you.. Folgers Hotdog Nastiness meat up jelly Manas WHOOSHcream taters

124 thoughts on “Terms and Conditions-Part 5

  1. Every now and again I find relics of the existence of other people in things like shopping carts, discarded shopping bags, or just on the ground hen I walk the streets, and I always find myself wondering “what’s this thing’s story?”

    Clearly that list meant something to somebody.

    Also man, I gotta get me a pair of those shades of that’s the result of using them.

      1. It’s been going around recently. I blame it on getting used to some bad privacy habits browsers had that they’re starting to get better about so now we have a learning curve.

  2. I once parked next to a minivan, that upon inspection, proved not to have a pale yellow dashboard, but rather was covered three deep in post it notes.
    I considered momentarily that it was a joke or prank, then moved my car.

  3. So… that escalated quickly…

    Is the gag a kink thing or “shut up, I can’t take the sound of your voice anymore” thing? Not that they have to be mutually exclusive…

    1. At that point, what does it matter?

      …oh no…Hillary’s getting to me! Must…go…read…Art of the Deal…again! Must…purge…liberalism!

    2. Oh, and that really got out of hand fast! Or maybe IN hand, if you know what I’m sayin, wink wink, nudge nudge.

    3. My read on the gag was definitely that she didn’t want to hear him talking and as long as he’s getting some Merrick’s fine with that.

        1. Something that’s purchased by the pound (like produce or raw meat) would make sense for being qualified with “small”.

        2. Okay, but to be honest a grapefruit looks small to me. And lemons, tiny. Especially when held in my hands. Yes, however if memory serves me correctly aren’t most fruits and vegetables sold by the pound and not by count?

    1. I also think mayonnaise.

      If you pronounce it quickly, MAN-aise, it wouldn’t be hard to repurpose it phonetically as “MAN-ays” or “MAN-as.”

  4. I’m surprised she doesn’t have a defibrillator on the list. Where’s Michelle Obama when you need her to smack the processed food out of that shopper’s hand?

      1. Not particularly. There are some brands of hot dog sauce in my store. Wolf’s band chili makes one, also coney island hot dog sauce by another that I can’t recall at this time. Orange-ish label.

  5. He can’t see it, oh no, but Mister Caneless Blind Man can likely hear your heavy breathing, and it’s a safe bet that he’s also developed an infrared picture of your coupling from your elevated heat signature. And you two reddish-yellow blobs are clearly going at it like bunnies.

  6. So, did blind-guy-who’s-name-i-forget somehow KNOW that Ellie was his E-Symmetry date, even though he can’t see pictures (and even so, her face is cropped out), she was given an alias, and her personal description was fabricated?

    Or did OldGuy somehow know, that upon Blind guy’s date not showing up, that the first thing he would do is try to reach out to Ellie at her old place and interrupt the investigation…

    Wait, how does Blind Guy know where Ellie lived?!


    1. David’s been seen in the background of one of her dates. It can be assumed he’s done this more than once since Nena said “He’s keeping tabs on her.” If he couldn’t find her on the dating site, he could conclude she’s going by an alias. He’s also Pumpkin’s English teacher, which is where he gets most of his information from Pumpkin talking to Ashliii during class.

      He also has a helper, which I haven’t gotten to yet in the comic.

      This comic plays the long game and does expect a healthy dose of patience, even on my part. Your questions will be answered. Some fairly soon. :D

      1. You are not kidding about the long game. Been rereading the archive from page one (first time I’ve done that since I started reading) and you mention things in the comments that will take place in the future, some of which still haven’t happened.

        1. You wanna talk about long game?

          * Comic Ratches (current post date October 11, 2013) in author post Rusche mentions that the story is broken into three major arcs (that comic is a branching point for the third arc).

          * Comic Pick your Paranoia (current post date May 18, 2015) in author post Rusche lays out the ten chapters for the first major arc and mentions there will be a year and a half time jump in chapter seven.

          * In a comment Rusche made here: http://shotgunshuffle.com/comic/the-getaway-2/#comment-18715 , he states “There’s also a comic-ending element in this story I buried in a passing thought which is Juniper taking an interest in photography. Juniper isn’t a strip-ending character, but that fact that she likes taking pictures is critical to the ending of this comic. ”

          So yes. There’s long game all over the place.

        2. One does not mention “Long game” in relation to webcomics without mentioning the master: 8-Bit Theater.

          In case you’ve never read it (shame), I’ll break it down: In one of the first installments, Black Mage is reading a Nintendo Power magazine to figure out how to kill a giant (the comic is a retelling of the original Final Fantasy game, so yeah). He happens to read a stub, that actually exists within the shown issue of Nintendo Power, that suggests making a party of four White Mages, which he scoffs at and claims would NEVER work.

          ELEVEN YEARS in real-time and change later, the universe is saved by…. 4 White Mages. Black Mage pulls out the Nintendo Power, opens it up, and just lets out a resigned curse. This wasn’t a call back or an Easter egg, this was how the series was SUPPOSED to end.

          So, yeah. 11+ year long-game. Beat that!

        3. (I was the anon failing to remember login above)

          I’m not familiar with that one. The longest callback that comes to mind for me is in El Goonish Shive with Tedd’s having a problem with the cold (13 Feb 2002, id=24) all the way about ten & a half years later when I think the reason he put that in there is first revealed (06 July 2012, id=1467). Granted, I’m taking that from items in various author posts, and I think he did change his mind and decide that extreme susceptibility to the cold was going to go away so it might or might not fit your retcon item, but I think it was planned that long ago at least.

          Time will if Rusche beats 11 years, though from what he’s been saying in the comments along with his pace vs the apparent scope of the story, it seems more likely to me that he wouldn’t finish rather than him not managing a callback farther than that.

        4. This is why we worry about his health. If he doesn’t take care of himself, WE NEVER FIND OUT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO END! Ahem. So take care of yourself, Rusche. My husband’s still upset about the mid-series death of Roger Zelazny.

        5. I tend to worry about health and burnout equally, though for the same reason.

          A part of me almost wondered if Robert Jordan was trying to prove right what his readers had been saying for years when he died. A part of me also wonders how many books the whole series would be if he’d lived to do them all (I’m guessing 3-7 more).

        6. Where does what come from? I’m not sure what you’re asking.

          For webcomics, it seems like about a third of my bookmarks are abandoned comics, and as far as I can tell, it seems like burnout ends more webcomics than health issues.

          If you mean the Robert Jordan thing, look up the Wheel of Time series. I thought of him as an example of someone who’d died before finishing his story, but as a contrast, he really did seem like he was milking it to last forever there at the end (which was part of what led to speculation that he’d die before finishing, though I don’t know anyone expected him to die as soon as he did).

          If neither of those answered, then you’ll need to clarify what you were asking.

        7. I know, right? There were several books in which NOTHING HAPPENED aside from one major event, usually in the last three chapters…no doubt RJ was milking it like an “undatable teenager” (your line, Chris) on prom night.

        8. I can’t remember which book, but one of the later ones I don’t think even had a single major event. I think everyone pretty much stayed put and accomplished nothing you’d have thought of from the previous book and he was more using it to introduce additional plot threads to have to tie up later.

        1. Dheu expected David to be the one to summon him rather than Tarra, as the cleaner of her messes. With Dheu as likely helping clean up Tarra’s messes, there’s really no telling how far from Erf any other helpers he’s picked up along the way. It could be anything from the Shuffleverse version of Galactus to a sentient pool of dog vomit.

        2. Can you see any fast food worker handing…

          wait a second. I just answered that question of the food tray to a sentient pool of dog vomit.

    2. Naw, man. Blind guy is going back home. Ellie was supposed to distract him during this crucial time where they would search his room for a “thing.”

    1. She HAS been using the vibrating suit for a bit… it’s probably got her primed for action, if you know what I mean.

    1. There’s a comic that I can’t recall the name of off the top of my head, the main character has a little monster that looks a lot like the Chocolate Jelly Thing and it rolls around and screeches “SKEE!”. It is terrifying and adorable at the same time.

        1. You’re not plugging, you’re answering. No reason to feel uncomfortable about that. A lot of us reference characters in other comics at times in the comments.

  7. So…the Tired Guy/Landlord is in on this. He was trying to arrange a distraction (planned date with Ellie) to keep The Blind Guy (apt resident) from interrupting the….exploration and examination within his apartment. Dude had one job, just one job….to watch for the Blind Guy…

    1. That’s not a bad guess. Yet it’s incorrect. Quinn and Ellie first lived in that apartment, only moving out after Tired Guy showed them the electronics receipts. Tired Guy is looking for something the size of a paper clip, which is what Rebecca is supposed to be doing. Blind Guy (David Stephens) is the guy that keeps coming around. My guess, Ellie and Quinn somehow got mixed up between the mountains of good and evil.

  8. I feel like this was probably a kid “helping” mom or dad by writing the shopping list. Just look at whats on the list and the notable lack of important single male items such as “baykin” or “bere”

    1. Definitely looks like a kid-centric list, though that doesn’t rule out someone with several kids.

      It’s also possible the list is only for things the shopper thought were likely to be forgotten, so there could be certain omissions due to “no way I’d forget that.”

  9. Round of Blind Guy vs Tired Guy goes to Blind Guy, since Tired Guy’s thugs can’t keep *ahem* focused on the task at hand…

  10. Wait, if this is his apartment, why would he knock before going in? Did he hear them going at it through the door?

    1. Compared to ‘The Wall Walker’ the neck hole looks considerably smaller so I’m willing to assume it’s made of some kind of memory material that expands or contracts when you run a current through it. Not sure I’d be comfortable putting on a helmet that could strangle me, but I probably wouldn’t be comfortable sticking my head through solid matter either. So more power to Rebecca I guess.

      More glaring for me are the gloves. She is clearly putting them on over bare skin in “The Wall Walker’. Although upon consideration she doesn’t appear to be wearing her suit in that panel so I suppose she could have taken them off then put them back on after the suit. Those elbow cuffs she wears don’t appear to be built into the gloves so I think the order of operations is: put on cuff>put on glove>attach glove to cuff>remove glove+cuff>put on suit>put on glove+cuff. Okay that works, my brain’s happy.

    2. My guess is that the jaw line is part of that. However, isn’t it possible that the facial expression, though greatly exaggerated, considerably decreased the amount of available room needed for those seams and pushed them to the back of the helmet out of the viewers sight?

      *knock knock*
      *door squeaks open*
      Hello, I’m selling girl scout cookies.

    3. You have a helmet that phases through things. Your options for putting it on and taking it off just got more numerous.

      For instance, hold the helmet in the gloves, phase helmet, put the helmet on, center it around your head. Dephase, inflate padding.

  11. My question from this is if the door wasn’t unlatched or if Blind Guy felt ok trying to enter what he thought was Ellie’s apartment. I could almost think “well, he heard something odd going on” but that something odd wouldn’t have sounded like someone being attacked or anything that would justify barging into someone else’s place.

  12. Mixed thoughts:
    * Hotdog Sauce is ketchup.
    * Manas is mayonnaise
    * Choclate Jelly Things are pudding cups
    * The illustrations are hilarious
    * Merrick was gagged for singing along to Let’s Get It On
    * There is no Dana, only Zuul
    * … and Blind Guy is moments away from thinking he walked in on Ellie having sex with someone.
    How’d I do?

    1. There are feasible ways he might recognize it’s not Ellie. Rebecca gagging Merrick doesn’t mean she might not’ve been loud. Blind Guy commented on the smell of Ellie’s shampoo on first meeting her and he’s been stalking her so he might notice something that way. There’s also the possibility of not complete blindness or Tarra-inspired/installed additional senses.

      That made me notice that we can’t see his hands. I wonder if he picked his cane or dog up since leaving Chocobieb or not. Though the lack would certainly be a conversation starter with Ellie.

      1. I’m guessing shampoo is out (I totally forgot about that) because she’s still got the mask on. I’m mostly thinking this is gonna go into misunderstanding territory because the setup for it is so perfect. Several comics all possibly leading up to Blind Guy walking in on them, without making it obvious what he was going to be walking in on. (If the next comic began with Blind Guy cracking his knuckles menacingly, it’d be a great dashing of expectations.)

        On another note: I’d like to believe the chocolates he picked up were called Chocobo Droppings.

        1. It is a good setup for that kind of misunderstanding, but we don’t really know the actual goal for D52, the importance of the paper clip, or how quickly/easily David can spot and obtain it. That may overwhelm any questions about what else is going on for all we know (and would certainly piss off Tired Guy).

          Additionally, since it’s looking like he’s known Tarra for years, has been listening in to Pumpkin’s gossip all year (possibly including any comments Pumpkin might’ve made irritated after Ellie’s reaction in the first Patreon arc), and has been stalking Ellie more than a little he may have pretty solid suspicions on Ellie’s level of romantic experience/activity and see sex on the floor of her apartment as unlikely for Ellie (which it seems like it would be).

          So I think the misunderstanding is possible, but if David’s being even half as creepy as I suspect and even slightly clear-headed here, I think Quinn is a much more likely guess for who he’d suspect to be having sex in their apartment.

          To be honest, the direction these next few comics go seems like it’ll be the direction they have to go for the story. There’s a lot of possibility for significance here. I could see your guess being correct, but if so I’m going to guess there’ll be some extra coincidences or deception (similar body product choice as Ellie, possibly some recorded voice samples, etc) to convince David.

  13. Holy shit, I haven’t laughed this hard at anything in a long time. While I loved the sexy shenanigans in the comic itself, the shopping list post was just absolutely hilarious. Tears and everything.

    1. I know what you mean. My brother and I found a $20 outside of a skating rink when we were kids. Oh man did we go for broke on the junk food and treats.

  14. in this case being blind is probably a good thing here….unless he’s “Blind Samurai” blind…in which case their f**ked

  15. You know what? With this additional evidence of ultra-tech (in an otherwise normal/modern setting) I’m beginning to think a ShotgunShuffle/QuestionableContent crossover looks a lot more plausible. It sure as hell would be fun to read. Chris, Jessica, have either of you ever run into Jeph Jacques at a convention? Or corresponded online?

    1. I don’t know, QC future tech seems more low key and in the background. SS seems more foreground and obvious. To me it’s almost closer to Dr. McNinja’s medical tech.

      1. Background? When you can go to the mall, and get an artificial-sentient AnthroPC from a close cousin of the Apple Store? When there is at least one non-ISS space stion in orbit? etc. etc.

        1. That’s exactly what I mean by background. Pintsize shows up in the very first comic and several AIs are primary characters. They don’t do particularly bizarre things, they act as another kind of sentience that would certainly average more rational than the human characters if not for Pintsize (with him added in, maybe not quite). Granted, Hannelore is the most “out there” main character, and most of the time her eccentricities are in the OCD/phobia realm as opposed to superscience realm.

          In Shotgun Shuffle, aside from the iCloud, the super science seems to be much flashier and focus of attention. Especially with the most out there character, Tarra. Otherwise the rest of the world and the tech used is generally pretty normal.

          It’s actually the greater commonality of future tech in QC that makes it more relaxed about it. It more portrays future tech as not really a big deal, just something we’re learning to deal with and things go on as always. A really excellent comic in that direction (and one I devoutly hope real world future follows, though I have my doubts) is http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2085

    2. We haven’t met him that I recall. We’ve only been to one convention so far (Megacon) back in May. I can’t speak for whether Chris has corresponded with him online though.

    3. Just a personal opinion, but I’d love to see a cross-over between these two web-comics (besides the physical location differences – southern Florida versus New England), their main characters have enough neurosis between them to make for a very interesting week or 2 of material.
      Besides, imagine how much damage Pintsize and the Wall Walker could get into or if Sven could meet up with any of the sisters!

      1. Meanwhile, on the contrarian side, I’d sooner not see such a crossover.

        That comic is going nowhere and taking its sweet time about it. At least this comic has a direction.

        The last thing anyone needs is to see this wonderful comic hooked to that albatross.

        1. I kinda’ figured the author got tired of that story and characters around the time of his divorce, which I think was also after Patreon made that comic his livelihood. I figure he’ll finally give up on it one of these days, but probably not until he has a good idea/feeling about what he’ll do as a job next.

  16. Regarding the shopping list thing, I have actually written shopping lists in stuppid not gud spelng 4 fun mor then won tiem. I’m easily amused by my own antics. I also enjoy writing notes to coworkers that are impeccably spelled, and then including clearly obvious typos such as for example, spelling my name as Mrak. Maybe the Walmart shopper has a similarly deviant sense of humor.

    Or maybe they’re just kind of dumb. Half of all people are of below average intelligence, after all.

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