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Terms and Conditions-Part 9

FOKK is my favorite curse word.

165 thoughts on “Terms and Conditions-Part 9

    1. We’re sorry, your application for first has been declined for lack of word count, lack of burrito juice, and something else.

      Appeals may be made to the Sisterhood Council only for those who are indeed first time commenters.

      To comment east of the Mississippi, you must be standing in jello salad while humming the “Battle Hmm of the Publix.”

      To comment west of the Mississippi, you need to first stir a soda pop into a carrot cake mix, dip hot dogs on a sock into that batter, bake in a solar oven for three days. On the fourth day, wrote your comment using a #3 pencil tip with spinach icing on the baked good. Then deposit said item, with written comment into your local police box.

      International commenters need to type their local operator for an AT&T teletype interrogator, request a Florida gator interrogator gator, and deposit your comment into the Florida gator interrogator gator’s commentator mouth.

      To comment on the wild cord, write “Tim Burton shopping center” on any bag of Larry the Cable Guy interrogation tators in blue lipstick and deposit on the international informational superhighway.

        1. We still CAN attribute a song to him. I vote Sunshine, Lollypops, & Rainbows.

          Surely that’s either his favorite song or the ring tone Tired Guy uses for him.

        1. And I completely forgot to log in before posting. That’s what I get for not taking part in the comments for so long.

        2. I don’t know about those keeping Nena occupied all that long. She might have them finished before he quits crashing through shoddy building materials.

  1. Sunglasses keeps on getting tossed around, then he notices she is munching on his candy… A beat down of epic proportions ensues for Mr. Gloves.

  2. Check the cast page! The D52! Their all dead! OK, most of them. And, we haven’t met any of them. Except Kimberly.

    Also, The Brick.

    1. I feel that this is an major bombshell. For all these years we’ve been waiting for them to be revealed now we find out most of them are dead. At the hands of David maybe??

    2. I feel that this is an major bombshell. For all these years we’ve been waiting for them to be revealed now we find out most of them are dead. At the hands of David maybe??

    3. Which means it kind of makes sense that the shadowy organization’s current plan seems to involve a central Florida dating site and some old guy’s apartment. An organization so badly on the ropes would need to get back somehow and would only have modest means to do so.

    4. Yeah, I was pretty surprised to see that too. I admit I thought it was a little odd with Kimberly, but with this many others, that seems like resurrection may be a major plot point somewhere down the road.

      1. I shall science it.

        *science science*

        Results inconclusive. Instructions unclear.

        Response was “Sure.” followed by confusion as to what “Candy” the tester was reffering to.
        Tester hastily escaped the premises.

        Still at large.

        Science is hard guys.

  3. Based on how furious ho got Durkin with a single line, I’m guessing David’s nickname on the other side’s board is “The Too-Sooner”

  4. Ok, I’m probably slow, but I’m just now putting 2 and 2 together. So if he’s Tarra’s David, and Dheu is part of Mr. Night’s group of Mystery Men, how is it that Dheu comes when Tarra calls? Aren’t they on opposing sides, or something? Or did Dheu get shuffled over to Tarra’s side with the last David vs. Mystery Men confrontation?

    By the way, Mandalay’s power shirt is awesome (and the rest of the comic, too)! Well worth the wait!

      1. I really want to get around to watching that movie, but that one dude keeps stopping me. You know, the one who’s character is called “The Angry Annoying Guy”, or something like that.

  5. So, do Vampires in this world have super strength like every other iteration of them seems to? Did David just take the equivalent beating of having been run down by a herd of Elephants without flinching before being punched through a wall? Does he have some kind of ‘Unbreakable’ invulnerability going?

    1. I could be wrong, but in my experience, ‘throws’ aren’t usually accompanied by the sound of a loud, page-wide ‘CRACK’.

        1. Perhaps, but it’s also my experience that if the sound effect is directly referring to something shown on the page itself, it’s not given it’s own panel and is instead merely superimposed over the general area of where it would take effect. When a sound effect is given it’s own panel, that usually indicates the sound took place PRIOR to the events of the proceeding panel.

        2. Studs are normally two feet apart. What he’s lucky to not have hit would have been the bracers that join two studs in the middle.

          That and electrical cord/conduit.

        3. I never did work in home construction, just theater. So I never did know that. Cool.

          Learned something new today because a blind guy got punched through a wall.

        4. If you become a home owner and I assume you are not one, you will learn a lot about construction.

        5. i now that the 20 pound hammer is best for smacking nails in one pound. those bracers between the studs are fire breaks. and fire breaks do not work on vehicles built by Colin Furze. a ouse needs two means of egree. and for those future plumbers out there, shit rolls downhill, so always work the lateral from the stack pipe to the sewage line at an angle.. oh, and that the fig newton is named after a town in massacheusettes, not the scientist.

        6. Captain America vs. the Flash, C.A. vs. the Hulk. I suppose Mr. Knight is the equivalent of Ash from Pokémon since he’s sending someone else to do his dirty work.

        7. I kind of don’t like having David as Captain America, but if we’re going with that wouldn’t Mr. Night be Hitler since he gets punched in the face?

    2. The guy has a natural dex of 19, init of 18 and rolled a natural 20. However, it happened after he put his gloves on and walked to his opponent before grabbing him. So, minus three to that. Divide the total minus three by three and that’d be the number of walls David goes through. Unless Chris has that already decided. Then the comedic effect stats are rescinded.

  6. I love how we can clearly see that Durkin knocked the chocolates out of David’s hand and David took the time to pick them back up after tossing Durkin across the room. That has to be a serious insult to the D52.

    “You’re not enough of a threat for me to lose track of a small box of candy. Of the ten or so people in this room, the truffles are more important.”

    1. Life is like a bowl of chocolates; sometimes you get handed off to someone else while the person who used to be holding you gets dropkicked through a wall…

  7. Phew, I was worried we’d have to wait till Friday to get a new comic.

    So many D52 slots getting crossed out leaves me intrigued as to the implications. Especially why it happened now of all times.

    I like this fight so far. Both sides have gotten in some good offense and I’d be surprised if going through a wall does more than slow David down, if even that.

    Although it would be hilarious if he got his butt stuck in the wall like Ellie did.

    1. I suspect the reason that it’s shown now is David’s statement in panel one. I’m guessing that’s corroboration.

  8. I’m wondering if David breaks through an outer wall and lands on Ellie’s jeep. Not in it, on it. Or better yet, Ellie is chasing FatFat down because of the toy he stole from the convention, and David lands on her. .

    With his hands on her


      1. Not unless that guy found a Magic Mushroom and is currently Super Mandalay now. If so, David will be in real trouble if Mandalay finds a hammer… or a bird’s feather… or a glowing, pixelated flower.

        1. If he finds a leaf, would it just be weird? It never made any sense why a raccoon suit would let you fly…

      2. With the art style differences, you’ve got four items to go by. Bald, black, male, head scrapes the ceiling. The cable pirate who hid in the closet does meet the first three criteria.

  9. We were just in the middle of a plot about Ellie having a crappy job and learning life lessons, and now? WHAT IS GOING ON I DON’T UNDERSTAND

    1. Pretend it’s Black Friday again. Just a small break from day-to-day reality into the alternate universe that gets tapped from time to time in the strip.

      If Black Friday doesn’t sound familiar, you can read the archives and get caught up. Maybe not in one sitting though.

      1. I think this is one that Ellie will be oblivious to, rather than accepting of. Otherwise Black Friday seems like a good analogy.

        These do make me wonder if a lot of the Shuffleverse’s population expects these kinds of weird happenings, or just people connected to Tarra.

        1. Why not just postulate about the people who are connected to the family in some way or another. But more like four degrees of devistation instead of six degrees of Kevin Bacon.

          And no James, being an extra in Footloose doesn’t count.

    1. Ah, the answer is that there’s some kind of background mega plan going on that it’ll probably take over a decade before we get all the pieces of (possibly two). This is likely a piece or two.

  10. Hmmm, Durkin said his apparent teleportation was just moving real fast, and his hits in panel 5 aren’t visible. Yet David successfully grabs him and throws him.


  11. So let me get this straight: Mr. Night and crew set up a bogus dating site so that they could get Ellie to work for them so they could have her go on a date with Mr. Stevens… ALL SO THEY COULD GET 60 UNINTERRUPTED MINUTES IN AN EMPTY APARTMENT TO FIND A TINY… THING?

    That’s dedication, friends.

  12. HOLY SHIT!!!!!dam and considering he one-shot the vampire after taking all that abuse…most likely because of his blindness he can interpret his opponents moves and adjust his body to minimize the dmg….that or he has a bod of steel

    1. Remember he was apparently Tarra’s experiment partner. How modified and powered up he might be remains to be seen.

  13. It is late, and I am too tired to list out all of the awesome things here. So I will simply say the following:

    I love all of this.


    Keep up the Awesome!

  14. It might be a bit early (about a week from your first post), but Happy 7th Anniversary Shotgun Shuffle. I really enjoy reading the pages.

    1. Did you have something in mind for a title? Which characters should be used? Quinn would make a better action than Ellie. She has the temperament and Japanese anime not withstanding, a large bust is not conducive to that sort of thing.

  15. Given what he’s been able to take, as well as dish out, I’m thinking this dude’s probably not blind, and those glasses are hiding eyes that are well out of the ordinary.

  16. Soooo Just noticing this, a lot of the comments seem to be mentioning how he made a mistake tossing the candy to Nena. I have to counter that with, I think he knew he’d be sent through a wall so he figured instead of letting the candy blow up, toss it to her in hopes he can get it back later. Either way, candy is done for.

    1. We’re suggesting that Nena was not a good choice, though it may have been Nena he bought the chocolates for (anticipating the fight, the chocolate reduces his opponents by one, tactically deployed).

      Will we ever know the intended purpose for the chocolates? Did he buy them for himself? Ellie? Nena? A relative? His students? Tune in for the next thrilling installment of Flying Chocolates!

      1. Flying Chocolates
        Chocolate by air, teacher through wall

        Man, I’m lousy with this. It’s been so long since I’ve watched those cartoons.

    2. Mostly because the next sound he hears from Nena’s direction is *munch munch* and then *toss* when she finds the strawberry cream one.

  17. Oh boy, I think I may need to plough through the archives from the first comic again… Should be fun anyways :D
    But am I the only one here with no idea what’s going on anymore? Is there something big I’m missing?

    1. There’s a lot teased about D52. This is really the first time we’re seeing them apparently act directly in a coordinated fashion. So I don’t think it’s really intended to be clear yet, just hints for the future.

      1. How about the fact that Dheu said that David is the cleaner of Tarragon’s messes. If this is in fact THE David, let alone the Michelanglo one.

        Now unsee that


  18. Wait, so Blind Guy’s name is David, Dheu refers to a David that cleans up Tarra’s messes, Dheu is a part of the D52, so does David interact with Tarra at some point?! That would explain his appearance during the Black Friday hooplah and Sister X coinciding. Holy crap there are so many layers!

    1. I think we have confirmed that Blind Guy = David, cleaner of Tarra’s messes that Dheu is used to working with. It’s also very heavily hinted/strongly suggested that David is also the tutor that Tarra was obsessed with, that along with the newspaper clipping of the accident leading to his “blindness” that Tired Guy had, suggest that he was probably involved with the bizarre experiments of Tarra’s (Tarraforming, Fusion Dance, whatever’s up with her birthmarks, possibly the prehensile hair, etc).

      David’s appearance during Black Friday is likely either him stalking Ellie or coincidence.

      1. Are we going back to this argument again? We are the overseerers at best with what lives are going on. Rusche is the camera guy. I’m just going to say that we can not glean all of David’s motives at this point as to how he keeps showing up here and there where one of our favorite buxom web comic females have been.

        1. I didn’t start the argument again. I said coincidence is a valid possibility.

          As for mentioning Ellie as potential target of stalking, she’s the only person we have reason to believe he’s stalking (and if stalking, it isn’t necessarily a Mr. Doogan situation again, it could also be a protective/helping/guilt sort of stalking starting from feeling bad about being the catalyst that got her kicked out and graduating to concern when realizing she lived in an apartment D52 was targeting).

          I fully agree we don’t know a lot about David’s motives. We do know some of his actions, though, so some possibilities are more or less likely.

        2. We can agree that Mr. Doogan was stalking. However, his future appearances in Get Mart will more than likely be just because of the current position that he put himself into rather than knowing that his favorite one works there. That would have been icing on his cake.

          I think that we may have missed something about why David may be the one that taught Tarragon. If he is the one, that is, who owned the cane that Tarra was sleeping with. Depending on what Dheu’s proclivities are towards how he gets repaid for his activities. The rest of the family, and Quinn may be in some danger from actions past. I mean, one possibility could be from an Asian perspective. If you like the guy who’s cleaning up the messes, and want to give him a day off, kill off the person who is making the messes instead of letting them continue to make the messes. Or kill off one of their family members. Of course, the killing would be in the legal sense, because we know how Dheu takes care of people. So, after the requisite seven years, they’d be declared legally dead. But still, no closure as such.

          Damn it, I just suggested something that could have been fit under protective. Unless I expanded upon it without knowing about it.

          I suppose that I kind of enjoy rolling the possibilities with ya.

        3. If you go back and look at comics Lowercase Numbers & Rage Text (current post dates December 14, 2012 & December 18, 2012 respectively), you’ll see that Ashliii, who’s been at least strongly hinted as Dheu’s daughter off-panel, has a regular/predictable order of 7 cheeseburgers. Dheu’s either got a lot of kids, or he eats a lot. So it’s quite possible that Dheu accepts relatively normal compensation for services rendered.

        4. What if, for some reason, that Ashliii has to eat a ton in order to not develop Dheu’s abilities? What if Dheu was some kid at some point, but then his powers manifested and he lost his legs because his belly button ate them?

          But what if, just for giggles, if Ashliii just has to eat a lot in order to function. Mostly because she’s a girl and Dheu’s birthmarks skip a generation or if the kid is a girl. But Ashliii has all the required genetic disposition for her boys to turn into Dheu’s. Like something out of a modernization of Greek mythology?

        5. Possible, but working at a fast food restaurant, I think snagging food claimed as spillage during the shift would be a cheaper strategy. Taking it home might just be out of embarrassment for needing to eat that much, but teenagers frequently believe themselves to be enormously sneaky and don’t have a lot of spare cash, so I’d suspect a more sneak-intensive cash-free ploy to be likely if it were for her.

          Though we also don’t know the general needs of Ashliii’s mother and if she’s normalish human or some different kind of creature entirely.

          Regardless, either way Dheu’s family needs some degree of extra money/sustenance. Though with the note on D52 board that he’s late on child support it’s possible he doesn’t care too much about that.

        1. Well, not so much as confirmed as baiting his readers without exact confirmation in order to keep them enticed to see what other damage he’d create.

        2. No, explicitly confirmed in the comments. Can’t remember where though, because half of it got confirmed in year one (when Rusche was all (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻) and the other half was somewhere else.

        3. The table flipping and pool throwing I remember was with this thread http://shotgunshuffle.com/comic/little-lies/#comment-6879 which was someone putting together in the comments that Blind Guy = Pumpkin’s English Teacher, Mr. Stevens.

          That was before “David” was even mentioned though. I remember a lot of hints, and I think people mentioning it from having heard it elsewhere (like on chat on the site or a Google Hangout or something). I vaguely remember some kind of comment during the ComicMix tournament push and the Dheu, Blind Guy, Ashliii matchup that Ashliii’s being Dheu’s daughter was first hinted with that & Blind Guy being David seems like it might’ve been the same time, but I did look for that a time or two and never found it.

        4. Yeah, that was the first half of the confirmation I mentioned. I cannot recall where the second half was.

  19. It took me a few times seeing this comic before I came to a favorite deliberate misinterpretation.

    In the Shuffleverse, Jesus can be found through layers of drywall, and Tired Guy has just revealed that sacred truth to those assembled.

    I now have several amusing images of missionary work. I also now suspect the Suffleverse Pope may dress up as, or even actually be, Kool-Aid Man.

  20. Hands down this page is one of the finest piece of comic art I have seen in a while. Thank you for such a pleasure for the eyes.

    1. It could be that the girls’ apartment is in an altogether different part of the complex and not likely one of the nine units that Tired Guy rents/sublets.

  21. Does anyone else see a Moe’s tavern joke in there? “Looking for a Mandalay.” No offense, of course, this is freakin’ awesome.

  22. What the? All the rest of the dynamite 52 are dead except for the few revealed and two more??? I did not expect that.

  23. Just a reminder to everyone that Saturday marked a new month so TWC voting reset. Please remember to vote for Shotgun Shuffle in TWC.

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