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The Hard Sell

Some of those sites are real. Guess which ones. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I'm still plugging away on the next two comics, but I just have way too much life in the way this week. I'll have them posted ASAP. this

81 thoughts on “The Hard Sell

      1. I was wondering about the sunlight in the window and if that’s non-fatal to vampires in Shotgun Shuffle-verse or not. I’d been thinking, “just cosmetic dentistry and not supernatural” as the other option, but I hadn’t considered werewolves (which is weird now that you mention it, as I generally like them much better than vampires).

        1. Could also be a combination of sunblock and UV blocking windows, though he does seem to have a lot of melanin for a Vampire. Possibly a daywalker?

    1. I’ll be honest here, if there was some safe, easy, painless way to enhance the size of my canines (teeth), I’d probably go for it. Not to a Nosferatu extent, just enough to make people look twice; a standard deviation or two above the average, maybe.

  1. I think my favorite of the other sites is SeaCaptainDate.

    I’m not if Tired Guy is naive enough to think that increasing the number of women will magically make the site work, or if he’s completely making things up as he goes along.

    1. Increasing the number of females will help make the site work just because of the numbers. I went to a tech school where the m:f ratio is 10:1. I (a female) had pick of the litter and need only bat my eyes to get attention. Men had to work significantly harder to land a girl. It wasn’t enough to just exist to get attention. I had guys do everything from buying me expensive Magic cards to literally coming over and cleaning my apartment with me because I offhandedly mentioned that my room mate never helped. They did that just to get noticed! If we had a more reasonable ratio of m:f the guys wouldn’t have had to work so hard – or get so disheartened when I ended up either rejecting them or favoring another. Tired guy is on point, IMO.

        1. okay, I suppose people have called me vicious names, and given me worse insults, it’s true. It was still an ass comment. On many levels.

        2. “Never” and “always” just invite skepticism. Additionally, if someone is enjoying being an ass, it’s probably a setup they’ll appreciate.

          For most of my teenage years, after noticing a character in a book or movie exclaim, “Can you BE more insulting!” as some kind of rebuke (which worked because it was fiction), I desperately wanted to actually run into someone who would do that in real life from some random ass-like thing I did. Though if I had, I might’ve been paralyzed by so many different smart-ass ways to say “absolutely” that I might’ve missed the opportunity to say any of them. Just thinking back about it I can’t decide which of four options I think I would’ve went with.

        3. It’s always the great school that has impressive litter. Just being able to talk about garbage in such a manner so as to elevate it from the common trash to something that could just be so hip.

        4. He wasn’t wrong. I ran the gamers club on campus. Every negative, creepy, awkward stereotype imaginable for male gamers aged 18-22 exists for a reason, and I saw them all. The odds were good, but a number of them made me feel downright uncomfortable.

      1. Too wide of a split will certainly make it hopeless, but that doesn’t mean that approaching parity will make it successful for the customers. The way he’s talking up his site sounds a little grandiose to me. If his site is fairly full of men who’ve given up on other dating sites, then I don’t think gender parity will magically make things work better for them. On the other hand, it might work well for the women he tries to recruit.

        @Steele – The phrase I always heard women use in college (tech school, but not as off-balance, not more than 2:1), is “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” I never argued that point, either.

        1. Women about the men: “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.”

          Men about the women: “They’re like parking spaces – handicapped or taken.”

        2. I will also point out that some sites, like eHarmony, actually will pre-screen users from being able to use its service. Depending on how you answer some surveys you may receive a ‘sorry, we can’t help you’ rejection notice. Everyone I know who has tried eHarmony has received this notification. Because eHarmony and sites like it tend to live for the numbers alone.

          Also, I’m apparently Anonymous on my phone and I never bothered fixing it. Good to know.

        3. I’ve heard that about eHarmony as well, but personally, as long as that long survey is $0 and they have proper data destruction policies for failed survey entries, I don’t mind it. While the survey is a waste of time at that point, if they aren’t making any money off of it, I see it as less of a waste of time than I’d spend trying to contact ladies unsuccessfully (and definitely not getting my hopes up). If it results in better experience for the people who pass, then it’s worth it. If it doesn’t (and I think this is strongly believed to be the case), then they’re throwing money away and it’s their loss. Though some of what I’ve seen people post online for their rejection letters with the reason listed are probably people they’d want to reject.

          The thing I found amusing was the OkCupid post using the advertising numbers and tax filings for Match.com & eHarmony to try to take a swing at guessing marriage percentages from their users.

          I also think the three week survey is a bit of a feature for users to do self-selection on this site.

        1. From what I understand the typical dating site woe comes down to choice distributions. The minority of the users in both genders get the majority of the messages, leading to the majority of the users getting ignored.

          Although, with both genders of vampires needing to feed, that might solve the problem in a different way (not great for repeat business, though).

    1. It’s Sea Captain Date; that one’s real. Jewtopia is apparently a movie. I could have sworn Cupidhatesme was a real dating site.

      What’s the full name of the one that starts with “lottsaf”?

  2. Well after this comic All of those sites are real because the fans/opportunistic business people would set them up as such and use this to cite their validity by linking the legit ones.

  3. Oh Tired Guy. Television Adds and Magazine buys to make ladies sign up for your dating site? Good luck with that.

    Hmm. Ellie herself will be of benefit to Tired Guy, but there might actually be a non scam possibility here. She e-knows a lot of ladies who like to post racy pictures of themselves online from the storyline at the start of the comic. That’s more or less what he needs. If she can hook up her e-gal pals with his site they might actually be able to do something real.

    1. I’d say that depends on his client√®le. I suspect a lot of those ladies either have trouble holding up their own end of the conversation, or look at it as a “youthful stupidity I don’t want to be reminded of”-type phase (as Ellie suggested is her view when talking to Caleb in the traffic jam). Not sure how much luck Ellie would have trying to convince the second group.

      1. I’d say the main issue is they shouldn’t have so much trouble finding dates they need to go to a site for remedial dating.

        1. That depends, Ellie has issues finding a date. Others could be in the same boat. Attention, loads. Guys that are sufficiently attractive for their interest that can stop drooling over them for 15 minutes, they don’t noticed because those types walk right by while the droolers are crowding them. At that point it’d more be a question of if the site was a sufficiently useful filter for time and money (i.e. probably not).

          Though I don’t think many would have the patience for the three week intro survey now that I’m reminded of that.

  4. Y’know, Ellie is the lazy one, not the dumb one. I’d wouldn’t be surprised if the value she can bring to ESymetry isn’t more about redesigning their add campaign instead of fake-dating lonely guys (which I’m still skeptical if the economics can really work out for anyway).

      1. I thought the were part of the North American Were-Attention-Whore was due to not having a true form and morphing for the audience. I think scientists believe that a floating inert grey sphere is their “rest” form when unobserved, though that’s still conjecture at this point.

  5. So I’m guessing, if his dating site is mainly for people who couldn’t find someone on 1 – 2 major sites, he’s in direct competition with nolongerlonely.com (the dating site for the mentally-ill).

      1. Exactly, Mr. Blue! Hence the mentally ill are also a key demographic geographically speaking. Florida’s only real challenger for most bizarre news on Earth is Germany.

  6. YOU FOOLS!!

    It’s neither Vampire nor Wolf…it’s Jonathan Frakes, Commander Will Riker himself. Did you all think this comic wouldn’t have a tribute to the voice of Adult Finn from ‘Adventure Time’?

      1. Comic Book Hyperspace

        He opens the right of his jacket and pulls out the trombone. He opens the left of his jacket and pulls out the slide. Then he reaches into the front pocket to pull out the mouthpiece.

  7. Hrmmm. Shouldn’t the Pie Chart that shows all the major groups also show eSymmetry? Also, given the old man’s nature, wouldn’t he have sued eSymphony for playing off his name brand?

    1. I was reading the pie chart as how many eSymmetry users have stated they’ve used the other site.

      eSymphony might’ve been first with eSymmetry being the knock-off. They are the biggest slice of the pie, after all.

  8. It’s interesting to note that Ellie says “I can’t be in committed relationships with ALL of them.” She doesnt have a qualm with actually getting into a relationship thanks to Old Guy, making me wonder if she actually intended to find herself in a relationship. I mean, I know the comic has already covered that she never had a serious relationship before, but is she actually going for this?

    1. The look on her face makes me think she’s just pointing out what she sees as a ridiculous aspect of what he’s suggesting. Not anything particularly serious regarding wanting to be set up with users of his site or liking the job he’s seeming to offer.

      1. True, but wouldn’t she mention the biggest problems first? She doesn’t say “First, I’m not going to date anyone because you tell me to, and second,” etc.

        Remember in Pirates of the Carribean, when Jack and Davy Jones are arguing- Jones is arguing one side of a point, so Jack takes the other side, and takes that as proof he can worm his way out of the situation. That’s kind of what I’m seeing here- Ellie didn’t say “im not gonna date any of these guys.” She instead says “immediately can’t date ALL of them.”

        1. She dressed for a job interview and showed up. That means she gives some degree of a damn. Right now he’s being cagey and not getting to the point and that seems to be his pattern anyway. The question of mentioning bigger or smaller problems first depends on your decision criteria and habits.

          Frankly, she could just walk out if she was 100% against working for him. Remembering that laziness is a defining characteristic and this is a job opportunity that jumped in her lap and probably wouldn’t require commuting (which’ll save on time and gas money, and possibly wardrobe/laundry if it’s primarily work-from-home). She had some months of job hunting failure after the holiday season before Danny started in, and she was feeling pretty desperate when he showed up (things can get bleak and demoralizing fast when your skill set/level is over-saturated in the market you’re applying to work in). She may or may not be thinking about ways this can be used as experience for a better job later (getting some experience for graphic design, web developer/admin, or maybe even “life coaching”). Those are going to be internally arguing for her to give him a bit more of a chance than might seem appropriate from a coldly rational view.

          Mentioning smaller items encourages him to argue back. Complete refusal or items he can’t really address encourages him not to. If the goal is to find out more and get him defending why it’s not terrible and she’s hoping it’s sufficiently not terrible she can work for him, then smaller points are the way to go until she has enough info to make up her mind.

    1. The Sampire would have set himself on fire, accidentally, while trying to impress Ellie. It has been a while since I read SF, but I do not recall Sam as anything other than an idiot who struck out a lot.

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