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The Nonexistent Calvary

63 thoughts on “The Nonexistent Calvary


    Also, I daresay this may in fact qualify as a first. My first first. Or my second? I can’t remember.

  2. Is this Calvary (as in somebody’s getting crucified), or should it be Cavalry (as in an army is needed)?

      1. I don’t know why anyone would try to cook beans on a grill, to this day. Must have been a 70s thing.

  3. If the reasons stated weren’t enough, Ellie has one more reason not to go into a room where a hypothetical dirty hippie could easily blow Kyrie’s cover.

  4. The best way out of this situation is to pull the fire alarm, after you start a fire. P.S. don’t start fires, arson is a crime! The more you know! ?

  5. Does that mean we get to see Quinn?!
    And the sister. OK, maybe not the married one, the under aged ones, the one who got knocked up in a bad way, and I guess Tarra wouldn’t be interested.
    Man, only Anise could dig this because of the ocean of beards.

  6. N: And given that three of them are already here that leaves Rebecca and Summer. I mean we could try Doya Doya, but contacting a dream spirit in the middle of the day is kind of a pain.

    TG: It’s the middle of the night somewhere.

    N: Well obviously dream spirits function on the American sleep schedule. That’s just logic.

    1. Maybe the dream spirit could make them all THINK there were women in the room?

      But how would they pump that much sleeping chemical into the room that quickly to put them all out?

    1. Went? It hasn’t stopped yet. It’s halfway through Guatemala right now and might make Rio by morning!

  7. At least they’re smart enough not to just throw Ellie out there and go “Hey! here’s what’s happening”
    That being said..since this has hit rock bottom, the only way to go from here is up (Neglecting to see the shovel).

    1. It’s not rock bottom yet. Chanting hasn’t started in the other room. That’ll be the last thing before rock bottom arrives.

  8. Okaaay, she really DOES look more female when the blue in her eyes is drawn. I thought it was because of the wide mouth, but I guess it’s mostly the eyes afterall.

    As for rock bottom: Ellie deserves this for falling for this company again. Normally I hope for a happy ending, especially with cliff hangers like this, but in this case I hope that the company goes down and everyone learns a valuable lesson. I mean, did SERIOUSLY nobody ever check the gender ratio on the website? You can’t pin that error on the one guy retreating from the – as Terry Pratchett once wrote about Sybil – “impending bosom”.

    1. Now that you mention it I’m wondering if any male character in this comic has ever been depicted with irises.

      When Ellie first started working for them they mentioned that men outnumber women 50:1 on the site. Though I suppose that just makes their negligence on this matter all the more inexcusable.

    2. There does seem to be the thing that Ellie was going all out for her jobs. With the exception of working at the uptown appleberries where she walked out because of the schedule. She otherwise stuck through with all of her jobs until she found that it was an inadequate fit or the place was shut down because of the health department.

      The jobs from Christmas part time work doesn’t count because she didn’t take the initiative to push for full and/or part time work outside of that. So, I’m just going to say that Ellie will stick with something just because it’s the only thing out there and/or her laziness in working to push herself to be her best and advance through life. But that makes me think of 80s ladder climbing and stepping on everyone. I don’t think that Ellie would do that.

      ps. I stuck with a job that literally and figuratively made me sick.

        1. I’m with Shine here, Mr. Blue; when you’re working four jobs at once you cannot be accurately called for laziness. It’s a contradiction in terms.

        2. I disagree. A person can play four games of chess at once. And they can lose all of them at once. Especially if one of them could have held a job aspect. But that bit of foresight would have skewered the current story line as well as her plausibility as being true to herslf.

        3. I’m of the thought that the two can seem to be equal on the surface. Laziness can encompass a lack of foresight whereas incompetence throws the baby out with the bathwater and proceeds to turn off the lights.

        4. Much suggested examples. Laziness would be the architect not watching the Kansas City Hyatt walkway from start to finish. Incompetence would be changing the assembly as indicated by the architect by the people building the thing on site.

        5. That was a result from a lack of advanced and/or pre-planning. She was going in on plans for the Christmas spree. Mr. Lavender had cut her nose off in advance without taking a look at evaluating any and all possible outcomes. Including planning a fake panic attack and getting Quinn to berate her in the line to make it seem real.

      1. I see. Dedication to her jobs make her behavior somewhat excusable, and troubles at finding work do the rest, I guess. But man, you’d think that a blonde with blue eyes and gigantic breasts should be able to easily become a secretary. Or something like her job at that one convention, where she essentially advertised a product by using her breasts. Only for a bigger company with a higher salary. She could definitely pose in front of an SUV or hold a Bazooka. Yes, they’re both morally quite a bit more questionable than a fake dating website, but if you’re unemployed, then “earning money to survive > morals”…….. we need a Basic Income Grant. Imagine what comic writers could do with that.

  9. I really need to start reading these at a computer. I miss qwerty typing. Hunting for words on a phone screen sucks. Yeah I’m burning calories, but I’m increasing the chiropractic kitty from Commander Riker’s syndrome.

  10. Wilf is a wise man, Wilf watches and keeps his mouth shut. Be like Wilf.

    Also, is the cut of Nena’s yoga pants an intentional homage to Jasmine because of her (real life Nena) awesome Jasmine on a stripper pole comic?

    1. Nah, I chose the outfit in an attempt to live vicariously through my comic counterpart. Haaahaa.

      but thanks for the comic compliment, that was a fun thing to do.

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