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The Seven Wonders

So I had the privilege of giving away my daughter's kittens. Mom cat had a litter of four and we kept the runt. The other three needed to find other homes to start tearing up instead of our own. So, since I live in a nothing town with (literally) one stop light, I decided to post it on Craigslist. All recent news stories aside, I wanted this done as soon as possible. So I listed it. All surrounding larger cities could see it. Kitten's are much harder to adopt in the winter months since cats normally mate in the spring and summer. This should be easy. It was. I listed them for free. Wrote about them being litter trained and weened, and blah blah. My phone blew up within 10 minutes of the posting. Texts and calls. I think I got 18 voicemails/texts with in a 30 minute period. Why not?? They're TOTES CRAY CRAY! 20140218_083506   So in summary: Kittens. FREE. Every.. Single... MOTHER$%&^%&# that called or texted me wanted MORE THAN FREE. They wanted me to bring litter, litterboxes, food, waterbottles, bowls, scratching post whatevers. Holy Good Gawd you name it, they wanted something more. WTF WHY? Where in my ad would I possibly list "Hey, act now and I'll even spend my own money on you!" I'm effing WalMart, yo. Not only THAT,.. Every.. Single... MOTHER%$&#^$@ wanted me to drive to THEM. Not come to me. Not meet halfway. No. Lord forbid it's free and they do the leg work. Oh helllllll no. Apparently I am the one hard up and in need of a favor. This is 30-minutes-or-less Free Kitten Delivery now. Not down the block. Not in the next town. Everyone lived 45 minutes to an hour away. All of them.. I stress, ALL OF THEM expected me to drive to them some hour away, and drive some hour back. No one suggested to meet me anywhere. When I suggested it, you could cut the reluctance with a knife. Pathetic

162 thoughts on “The Seven Wonders

    1. I’ve felt like so many people have been losing the true meaning of Christmas lately. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to see a family showing respect for venerable traditions, though.

      To round it out, I hope Ginger comes up short and tries to barter Cinn for $1.53 to round out the purchase.

      1. …I would not buy that for a dollar. Even a dollar fifty-three.

        By the way, what’s that word partially obscured in the background? “Science”?

        1. Yeah, I wouldn’t pay for Cinn either.

          Actually, the amount someone would have to pay me to take Cinn would be the amount for the one-way airline ticket to someplace I’d be sufficiently certain that she’d want to stay so she would never work her way back.

  1. …while I’m on the subject, and apparently talking to myself, what is it with Cinnamon’s fondness for rocketry? Is this part of an oddly scienc-y bent, what with the biological shenanigans she engaged in previously? Are we harboring an Einstein here? Or does she just enjoy blowing things up?

    1. Oh, she’s just trying to find the proper…”transport method” for getting the ratchantulas to new, exciting homes.

      Can’t make an omelette without infesting a few malls with crazy hybrid pest monsters.

      1. Well, I was astonished to find Juniper had a photography bent, I just wondered if something similar was going on with the Dumb One.

        1. I don’t know if she likes to blow things up (photography pun, eh?) or just shoot things off. I think that the second one would line up with her button pushing hobby as well.

        2. An enjoyment of photography from the Slutty One can have a couple of different connotations, not all of them particularly innocent (though for some of those I think she’d want tripod or remote as opposed to a new lens).

          Same as an interest in things that go high into the air, fire-based propellants, and biological abominations can be…perhaps less than pure intellectual curiosity for a sociopath.

        3. You know, there are some REALLY nasty pathogens that can’t live long when dry but can live indefinitely in a wide variety of liquids.

          Lack of flammable propellant does not make sociopathic behavior definitely less likely. Also there are flammable liquids that might not melt the plastic. Also it could be a delivery vehicle for ratchantula egg sacs (assuming they follow spider tendencies for the purposes of airborne delivery).

          NEVER underestimate a sociopath’s ability to surprise you. However screwed up you might be, they can go at least one step farther without throwing up. Even if you’re a sociopath too, one individual can’t think of EVERY awful idea.

        1. Law of the jungle. Who won the fight versus who was almost killed by boobs. Ellie’s dominant.

          It’ll all get easier after you accept it. You can still take the lead all those many times she’s too lazy to be bothered.

        2. Being the better fighter doesn’t make her the boss. She could be the … um …

          The “Harley Quinn” to my “Poison Ivy.” Or, how about the “Black Canary” to my “Oracle?”

        3. So out of curiousity, are you and Ellie planning on relaxing with drinks at Pulse after all this? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

        4. You’re not from Lakeland are you? Or you’re not up on the nightclub scene. But you apparently got the general idea anyway.

        5. Nope, on both counts. But I suppose that I got the general gist of things. If not, perhaps someone can fill me in on the bump and grind of the situation.

        6. Of course being the better fighter doesn’t make Ellie the boss. It just makes her the boss whenever she wants to be.

          As stated earlier, with her laziness quotient, you can still be the boss the vast majority of the time because being the boss takes more effort.

    1. Double irony bonus for the cat with the unicorn horn showing up the same day you talk about free kittens and accompanying merch.

        1. OOooo.

          Of course the kittens are free. What are you asking for? Litter, 17.95; Litter Box, 8.95; Kitten Chow, 8.95; waterbottles, 4.95; bowls, 5.95; scratching post, 15.76; whatevers, 27.43. Tax, delivery, usage fees, oil change and travel expenses to Burger Jacks and Rings 72.33. Total cost: 162.27, Delivery Fees, freight, shipping and handling an additional 36.75. Bobtailing Fee, 45.00.

          Total cost for free kitten with requested items: $244.02.

      1. I’ve been reading the Worst things for sale for at least a year now, it’s equally funny and painful to read. Like the state of humanity that allows some of these things to exist makes you cringe.

      2. I can’t remember if I saw it from him or elsewhere, but I really liked the Amazon product for the steering wheel mounted tray advertised as useful for beverages or to sit your laptop on. While there are still some on there, the original one I saw had two pictures from the vendor and over 90 user submitted images that were all horrific car accidents.

        I do kinda’ like his site, though I rarely visit it.

      3. I don’t really think that Mr. Blue could sleep with Nicolas Cage pillows. Mr. Blue could use them for target practice. But all Mr. Blue has is Mr. Left and Mr. Right.

        1. I cite a Dave Attel bit in response to Nicolas Cage pillows:

          “Fellas have you ever had the experience of a woman yelling out another man’s name in the height of passion? Well this woman was yelling out the names of men who have never, ever lived. Fantasy men. Chewbacca Spiderman Papa Smurf. I’m thinking, ‘Is she crazy like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I don’t know.'”

          I debated just putting the question to himself part, but I thought that might be too obscure. That’s from the only CD I’ve ever literally spit what I was drinking on my windshield from laughing while listening to it, though, and I do normally listen to my comedy CDs in the car for my first full listen-thru.

    2. I’m sure that he loved ya over the weekend. You got 302 thread posts off of Fridays revelation of Sister X.

      Congratulations by the way, I do believe that this is the first time you hit 300 posts Chris.


  2. Oh jeeze, those kittens are freakin’ cute. I would totally come & grab a kitten (and just a kitten, we’ve got the rest of the stuff already) if it was feasible.

    Dang internet, showing me cute, adoptable kittens well outside of my driving range.

      1. With those faces they’ve got, I’m not surprised.

        I will say that the vocal majority on craigslist doesn’t actually “read” the postings they reply to (used to manage an apartment complex, which included posting to craigslist & setting apartment showings) I honestly can’t count the number of times I’d get asked how much rent was, if we took government housing assistance vouchers, or even “how many bedrooms?” when the post was titled “1 bedroom apartment for rent” It’s like going into the $1 store & asking how much everything is! (The old $1 stores, not the current “everything is around a buck-ish” places we have now)

      2. A guy I work with said he and his wife had a contest while remodeling their house for the tersest “free” item descriptions that would be taken. I think he said the winner was “bag o’ knobs”, which had some guy gratefully drive several hours to pick up his bag of door knobs.

        Only time I’ve advertised similar was a horrible futon cushion. It was lovingly described as a really horribly uncomfortable cushion that wasn’t really fit for its intended use. It was picked up in less than a day by a college student from whom I got the feel that he definitely had hijinks-ish plans as opposed to futon-ish plans for it, though I didn’t press for details. I heartily approved and was glad to assist.

        1. My mother-in-law was trying to get rid of an old fridge, once. She Left it outside with a “FREE” sign taped to it. 4 days, it’s still there. On a whim, she changed the sign to “$20 OBO” and the thing was taken within 6 hours.

          Some people, man…

        2. Hahahahah. At the hospital, we would get these gigantic wooden crates in. All shapes and sizes due to the medical systems and equipment that would come in. And we have NO WAY to get rid of these things. So I would leave notes taped to the outside on the loading dock. The biggest one I ever had, with folding ramp and 2 $40 piano hinges attaching the door, I taped a sign to:

          “FREE CRATE!

          Sat there for about a month. On the other hand. Someone put an old dilapidated fridge out there. The insides covered in God-only-knows (dried red and yellow stains,) and it reeked like urine. Gone in 15 minutes.

        3. I live next to a large apartment complex with crazy rich tenants. They tend to throw out perfectly good furniture due to fashion crazes. No one ever pickups the virtually new furniture because everyone “knows ” that no one would be crazy enough to throw out something that good unless something was wrong with it. Now horrible looking junk on the other hand gets picked up fairly quickly.

        4. I’m halfway suprised that you don’t take that stuff to a flea market and offer it at highly reduced prices of say, $70.00. Left to me by dead grandmother.

        5. The key I found is some form of online forum to say “Random free item at this location. First come, first served.”

          I’ve seen visibly broken CRT monitors gone in under 15 minutes from that sort of thing. Very weird, but you get the competitive instinct of, “I have to get it before someone else can” going then it’ll be gone quick.

          For your crate, I would’ve probably taken a picture of it with the sign visible and not taken it, even had I a vehicle to carry it and a less than pressing need for it, so that others could also be amused by it.

  3. What happened to the new Buckingham sister?

    By the way, all PLEASE THINK TO VOTE FOR THIS WEBCOMIC ON TOPWEBCOMICS.COM. It’s in the top 200 now, we should be able to bring it to the top 100.

    1. I assume she is still in the store and that’s why Tarra is in a hurry to leave.

      And yes, vote early and vote often.

      1. I always use the “like voting in Chicago” analogy when talking about “early and often” situations. Glad to see confirmation from a Chicago native that I’m not the only one who’s heard that phrase and association.

        1. Chicago politics have been a sad state of affairs for a VERY long time. You can do two things, laugh about it and move out of Cook County. I’ve done both.

  4. Anise and Juniper found the employee? Why am I picturing that Juniper lured him in and Anise put him a headlock and dragged him to the register while he was distracted?

    And I find it hilarious that he’s “heard of that one family” but apparently hasn’t heard they’re related to the chief of police.

    1. Hilarious as well that the said chief of police still sends “that one family” for Thanksgiving shopping every year (albeit using code names), knowing full well what kind of havoc they will bring.

    2. Of course I was the lure, Anise is scarier than I am and has a better backhand. And it’s easier to get blood stains out of her coat.

    3. I was thinking Juniper probably tracked him as opposed to just lured him. Doesn’t she have the ability to follow the trail of a vulnerable male past puberty over anything under three-quarters of a mile?

      But yeah, obviously Anise’s lures are only for those with an epic beard.

      I suspect Chief Buckingham tries to keep that relationship on the down low, though I also suspect it’s an open secret at the station.

        1. I figure the band thing just makes it easier. Like the difference between a bloodhound being able to track someone who showered 8 hours ago versus 72 hours ago with a lot of exertion in there to boot.

        1. I’ll look into it later tonight… From the comments I see Firefox may be the issue but if anyone experiences this on other browsers let me know.

        2. Mr. Blue uses both, we seemed to have experienced a full governor yesterday after mentioning this, but now, less than half was appearing on my IE last night, and now on the fox in my library? He’s yipping more than that stupid music video and hiding at least 70% of the governor.

      1. He’s off to the right on my browser and no scrollbar. If I maximize the additional part of the browser is just blue and he’s still covered. I can see enough to see still December stats, so I hadn’t been worried about saying anything yet.

  5. That look on Cinn’s face! Oh gosh, wait, wait, Sister X just shows up, vanishes, and NO ONE says anything about it? I also love how she just knew when she would be needed and just leaves afterwards. But still….

    1. My guess is she’s jumping down from the rack right now and reloading from My First Ammo Caravan to come after her sisters. Possibly.

    2. That look on Cinnamon’s face is almost identical to the look that Anise got after hearing “WHO’S ALREADY EATEN HALF THE DESSERTS??” on Thanksgiving.

        1. great, I just messed up the post by leaving out the quote that the clerk nerd boy says.

          that one family. grrrr.

          Juniper, slap me, will ya. Anise hits to hard.

  6. Looks like Cinnamon and Ashliii have a facial expression in common.

    Maybe it’s just me…but I’m starting to think I should’ve voted for Ginger. I still laughed, and I still love the comic, but I just realized that neither one of the “main” characters is even in this strip, Ellie’s pretty much just been a passenger (literally and figuratively) for a while, and Quinn’s been visible but silent.

    I realize I said earlier “more strips are always good” before the vote, but I hope that our Two Broke Girls (…hey, they should make a show about that) get a few more lines or active parts.

    1. …wait a minute. One’s a brunette with an ample… physique, we’ll say, and a rough relationship with her mother. The other’s a thinner, taller blonde who’s just now realizing she has to worry about money and is trying to work on reclaiming any of the luxuries of her former life.

      Here, one’s a taller, thinner brunette with a rough relationship with her mother, and the other’s a blonde with an ample… physique, we’ll say, who’s just now realizing she has to worry about money and is trying to work on reclaiming any of the luxuries of her former life.

      …I will pay good money to see these two open a cupcake business and then for either Ellie or Quinn to get a bit role in the remixed version of “Thor” in this universe.

      1. I’m pretty sure Ellie’s taller than Quinn. With all the different perspectives in panels, I can’t recall any with Quinn appearing taller (though some have her appearing same height).

        1. Unless all characters were put on a comparative lineup, there are too many characters for that to be comprehensive. I was just going by hazy memories of impressions and the cast page picture which has their heads level with Ellie slightly in front and her foot farther down.

    1. I don’t know, that’s a guarantee I would trust for the kittens being happy and well cared for through the rest of their natural lives.

  7. anyone else get the impression that anise is resisting the urge to call the clerk a beardless bastard? i dunno, i get a sense of distain from that look.

    1. Reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer goes into the grease business. You expect Anise to look at him real close and say, “My God, you’re hairless.”

    2. I can’t tell if disdain or attempting to if it’s an “intimidate him into performing as expected” sort of thing. I get a feeling Anise is 100% fine with that role.

        1. I think he means that on the green box Cinnamon is holding, the “e” in “race car” is missing on one side of the box.

          When I see “panel” I spent time looking at the strip panels.

        2. I had an office-mate, a girlfriend, and a dance partner from Taiwan (all separate individuals, though I did dance with the girlfriend too). They do ration their E’s there.

        3. Good, one less cable channel about Hollywood then. I mean, only so much tv can be made about soap operas, much less a channel devoted to talking about soap operas. And the Hollywood true stories.

    1. Find an establishment with only one male working there, seduce him, and at a certain point in what he’d though would be sexy funtimes he finds he can’t take it any more and runs away screaming, “Ahhhh! Your dead, little eyes!”

      At that point she can loot at her leisure. Even longer if the cops arrest him for indecent exposure, which happens more often when she picks businesses near elementary schools.

  8. Aww, I want kittens. Cute kittens. I love kittens! Kittens, Kittens, Kittens! AHHHHH! Ok, Breath, Breath… KITTENS!!!!!!

    1. One is barfing in the corner and one was taken hostage. Man I really hope that there is a comic in the near future with all the sisters of Buckingham in it.

      1. A person could be prejudiced against cosplay or be irritated with an accent she frequently uses as an affectation. I get the feeling that Pumpkin has some artsy tendencies which might not be as flamboyantly irresponsible as Anise’s, but enough that it could get on someone’s nerves.

        From a general population stance, I’d put Ellie and Pumpkin neck-and-neck with Ellie in a slight lead in terms of arbitrary likability and ease of getting along with. With someone using a rocket launcher in a toy store near some relatives, well, that’s not an average member of the general population.

        With what we’ve seen of Sister X, if she could stand exactly one of the seven and not any of the others, I could see any of the seven be that one, even Cinn or Juniper. Though if it were Tarra, the being able to stand her would also probably include some fairly spectacular competition activities that might do super hero-level damage to their surroundings.

  9. Tarra’s statement makes me hear the Dane Cook sketch talking about a heist where he’s yelling, “Where’s the VAN!” over and over again.

  10. Sorry if it’s been brought up before, but has anyone else noticed that last week’s cast page had Sister X punching into the Buckingham sisters’ cast panel with Ellie going “Uh oh.”? Just asking because I find Sister X’s now complete ownage of said cast panel to be somewhat hilarious.

  11. This is more about your comment than the strip.

    I once drove 240 miles to deliver a cat that got left with me to a new and caring home. That being said, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU! Sheesh, I can see not wanting to come all the way to your place, but to not go to a midway point? Come on, its not like kittens are some underground illicit narcotic where you have to deal with a funny looking guy named Jose. They are kittens! I hope at least one of the respondents were reasonable. Our last cat died last winter at the age of 19. We got two new kitten this last summer at a no kill shelter in California.

    1. 240 miles?? That’s a heck of a cat delivery. Don’t feel bad about it. I too ended up driving about 40 minutes in the end to a mall in Huntsville and just told the closest inquirers to meet me there. I was more concerned with them going to a good home.

      1. but you never know in the end… My family’s cat had a litter. We were able to give away all but two to distant family members and not some neighbors. A few months later we found out accidentally that one of those neighbors owned a large snake. They claimed that the “kittens ran away in the dead of the night.” Actual quote.

        1. Yeah, that’s actually something that people in some animal communities mention – especially if you’re in an area with lots of snake breeders. The workaround is simple – charge a small amount for the kittens (like $50), and most of the breeders will stay away, since it’s cheaper to buy more traditional snake food than a $50 kitten. At least, for the size of snake that would eat a kitten.

    2. Agreed! People should hold out for dealing with a funny looking guy named Wolfgang. Much better story than dealing with a Jose.

        1. Well, I don’t want to have anything to do with his special purpose, that’s for sure.

          However one of my longstanding goals in life is to do something he did. Without setting it up, have someone ask me for a balloon, check my pockets, and then pull one out already inflated. So I can’t really say much bad about him.

  12. “Call the cops”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’ll do him a load of good when their dad is chief. Well, maybe it’s not THAT funny. After all, Herb might end up giving them a nice, stern talk about causing such mayhem on his shift. But I bet he’d congratulate them on accomplishing their missions.

    Concerning your kitten problems, I can relate. One of my sisters has a habit of rescuing kittens from her barn when something happens to the mama-cat, and promptly abandons them at my home. Because she KNOWS I will take care of them, and that my dad will find homes for them once they are big enough. Sometimes we get multiple litters a year. I love the wee beasts, but they can be exhausting, especially when they are still very small and need to be bottle-fed.

    1. I have a cousin who use to take all the strays from her neighborhood to the SPCA. For years and years when she was growing up.

      Then later when she’s was on her own, wanted a cat. Went to the SPCA to adopt one, and they refused her because she had brought so many in in the past. Ridiculous for them to decline someone ASSUMING they’re abandoning their own pets. Not simply rescuing strays.

    2. That is so true. A lot of times it not what you know it is who you know. I also think Gingers Hubby might be a cop too and or Ginger was/ wanted to be one until she (or Juniper) got knocked up.

  13. “Call the cops? How lame. Like the cops would even come near us anyways. After the last time they had a run in with Anise….they are still going to therapy. Don’t test me, little boy. Now take my money.”

        1. Never threaten a Buckingham with the cops. Threaten her with something that actually scares her instead.

        2. Such as sobriety, clean shaven Santa’s, factory made costumes and a world without the internet.

        3. “That’s it, I’m calling… I’m calling…”

          “Who, little man? Ghostbusters?”

          “…I’m calling your mother.”

        4. Speaking of the Ghostbuster’s, Ian Spengler, aka Harold Ramis died today. A moment of silence please for the late, great Harold Ramis. *sniffle*

    1. A run-in with Anise caused more therapy than a run-in with Cinn? I mean, we know Cinn’s had at least one run-in with the cops. Has your dad kept her from talking to any cops for very long? I’d think she’d cause more therapy than Anise.

    1. Wouldn’t those things pull out easier than the real thing? I mean, I remember a story that floated around my high school about one of the… slackers. He was a big slacker, and he pulled the plugs out of the principal’s hair transplant.

      This was back in the days before corporal punishment started to diminish. But I can’t recall if the principal administered the punishment or the father later on. . .

  14. I’m sorry about the kittens, if I lived anywhere near you/had room for another cat, I would totally take one off your hands.

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