Have you ever wondered if FatFat is as cuddly as he looks? Well, now you can find out for yourself! For a limited time, you can adopt your own lifesized purple cuddle-monster. This very special crocheted McFatFat plushie is made with super-soft velvet yarn and entirely handmade by our very own Hot Female Fan. (I've lovingly nicknamed her "Claire.") We're doing a short run of 20 FatFats. Along with each stuffed triple-bypass you order, you'll also receive a one-of-a-kind 4" x 5" graphite sketch card in rigid plastic holder, drawn by local artist Chris Rusche (see above comic.) Order yours today on Etsy. 
We've already sent out several orders of completed FatFat, and I really do appreciate everyone that ordered one so far. Anyone who has, or plans to, expect one of these sketch cards along with it. 
(Certain female weeb may have gotten one out of me for doing the hard work.) 
All the cards will be included at random. I'm not saying you can pester Claire for which card you want... but you can probably try. :)
Two Days From Retirement
86 thoughts on “Two Days From Retirement”
Gonna need an in memoriam for the characters we’ve lost.
Maybe Rusche could make a fake main cast with all the short-lived characters and put it up on April Fool’s Day. Take-A-Bullet Bot would be flanked by those skanks that harassed the wrong Pumpkin at the Con, that cardboard cutout guy from “No Wonder He Never Brought Lunch” could be in there…
Don’t forget Sir Barks Up The Wrong Tree A Lot.
I’m rather fond of Bullets I Own con table guy.
“Take-a-bullet-bot”, now that is a classy original and worthy of a meme. Great work Chris.
if $bankaccount_balance < "99" { echo "silent weeping"; } else { echo "shut up and take my money!";}
The programmed robot family just clinches it. Of COURSEshe had to have one for Take-a-bullet-bot.
Is that robot wearing a work badge? Seems appropriate.
Gonna have to reset the ‘workplace injury’ sign now..
0 Days Since Last Assassination Attempt
LOL Love it!
Poor take a bullet bot.
And the dude still isn’t running, he deserves it when the next bullet hits him.
Take his security card and run!
Must resist urge to buy plush to get pretty lady art.
Although Juniper is confirmed as the cool aunt who will let you smoke.
And we get to see more cute Tarra faces. That’s nice.
NO! Not… let me see, now… Take-A-Bullet Bot… well, that makes sense… anyway… NOT HIM!
Kyle must have had some serious experiences before coming over to Tarras: he’s been mostly unaffected by the building being half destroyed/rebuilt around him by various robots, has witnessed all kinds of absurd/scientifically impossible things, learned the secret of the earths core, moved around boxes of former suitors, survived The Cat’s Judgement, and is more surprised by Take-A-Bullet Bot’s family than the fact that someone is shooting into the apartment. He’s either been through so much worse, or he’s just that thirsty.
Probably a combination of being thirsty plus Tarra being very attractive. He’s probably still running through staring at her awesome cleavage in his mind, and how he had a valid reason to do so.
He’s mesmerized by the “BRAID”
To even hang around Lakeland you need to deal with roving packs of the Omega Pestilence and the occasional mall getting blown up. I think their tolerance for weird is a bit higher than usual.
He doesn’t know it yet, but this is his trial to becoming her henchman.
Oh, and it looks like Take-A-Bullet Bots badge is numbered 24. Is that just his assigned number, or is he the 24th Take-A-Bullet Bot to preform his function flawlessly?
You don’t want to know what happened to Take-A-Bullet Bot 1 through 23.
Number seven was the first one to outlast the Atomic Powered Robotic Maytag Repair Man
Number twenty-two became Loose Cannon’s sidekick for a short period of time.
A very, very short period of time.
(non-canon answer).
According to the tracking number mine is “in transit” (twitch). I think (twitch) that I can (twitch) be patient while (twitch twitch) the Post Office TAKES ITS SWEET TIME (twitch) works on getting the package to me as soon as THEY DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT LIKE REALLY HOW LONG (twitch) in the next few days. (twitch)
Oh staahp yer twitching Nerd. You’re only going to be an exclusive set of 20 people who will have an actual authentic and approved by Chris and Ellie Mr. Fatty McFatFat.
But I need it nooooowwww! =^~^=
I’m practicing my “petulant old fart in second childhood”, as I start into my seventh decade.
Ah, oh. I didn’t realize that we were having a dress rehearsal.
Yep, ‘cept I ain’t wearin’ no dress…
And apparently Take-A-Bullet Bot screams in UTF-8!
If I looked it up correctly, he’s screaming “NOOOO!!”
Nicely done, Chris!
7 bits is ASCII rather than UTF-8 (8-32 bits if Wikipedia is to be believed), but it does indeed say NOOO in ASCII with three exclamation points after the ASCII.
7 bit ASCII has been used in some network protocols which would switch over to 7 bits for the transfer to save bandwidth, though I haven’t heard people mentioning that in over a decade so I’m not sure if people aren’t concerned about bandwidth savings or if we’re just a lot more robust in our negotiation protocols so we can ignore it.
s/NOOO/NOOOO/g
…and karma gets me for nitpicking.
As to why “silent weeping” is a command is amusing me to no end.
Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
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Current stats at the time of this posting:
SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 35rd with 3,456 votes:
—115.2000 v/d; 4.8000 v/hr; 0.0800 v/m.
Stand Still. Stay Silent is 5th with 16,082 votes:
—536.0667 v/d; 22.3672 v/hr; 0.3728 v/m.
Girl Genius is 2nd with 17,882 votes:
—596.0667 v/d; 24.8707 v/hr; 0.4145 v/m.
Grrl Power is 1st with 18,794 votes:
—626.4667 v/d; 26.1391 v/hr; 0.4357 v/m.
50th slot — 2,538 AV*: 84.6000; 3.5299; 0.0588.
40th slot — 3,140 AV: 104.6667; 4.3672; 0.0728.
20th slot — 6,955 AV: 231.8333; 9.6732; 0.1612.
Top ten — 12,941 AV: 431.3667; 17.9986; 0.3000.
Top five — 16,082 AV: 536.0667; 22.3672; 0.3728.
* Accumulated votes
Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
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Current stats at the time of this posting:
SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 35th with 3,589 votes:
—115.7742 v/d; 4.8239 v/hr; 0.0804 v/m.
Stand Still. Stay Silent is 5th with 16,640 votes:
—536.7742 v/d; 22.3957 v/hr; 0.3733 v/m.
Girl Genius is 2nd with 18,333 votes:
—591.3871 v/d; 24.6743 v/hr; 0.4112 v/m.
Grrl Power is 1st with 19,329 votes:
—623.5161 v/d; 26.0148 v/hr; 0.4336 v/m.
50th slot — 2,609 AV*: 84.1613; 3.5114; 0.0585.
40th slot — 3,192 AV: 102.9677; 4.2961; 0.0716.
20th slot — 6,955 AV: 224.3548; 9.3607; 0.1560.
Top ten — 13,404 AV: 432.3871; 18.0404; 0.3007.
Top five — 16,640 AV: 536.7742; 22.3957; 0.3733.
* Accumulated votes
We did have 27 earlier.
Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
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Current stats at the time of this posting:
SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 35th with 181 votes:
—90.5000 v/d; 3.7708 v/hr; 0.0628 v/m.
Stand Still. Stay Silent is 3rd with 788 votes:
—394.0000 v/d; 19.7000 v/hr; 0.3283 v/m.
Grrl Power is 1st with 6,576 votes:
—3,288.0000 v/d; 164.4000 v/hr; 2.7400 v/m.
50th slot — 130 AV*: 65.0000; 3.2500; 0.0542.
40th slot — 157 AV: 78.5000; 3.9250; 0.0654.
20th slot — 349 AV: 174.5000; 8.7250; 0.1454.
Top ten — 231 AV: 115.5000; 5.7750; 0.0963.
Top five — 618 AV: 309.0000; 15.4500; 0.2575.
* Accumulated votes
Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
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Current stats at the time of this posting:
Spindrift is 69th with 175 votes:
—0.0662 v/d; 2.5362 v/hr; 0.0423 v/m.
SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 31st with 310 votes:
—103.3333 v/d; 4.4928 v/hr; 0.0749 v/m.
Girl Genius is 7th with 1,168 votes:
—389.3333 v/d; 16.9275 v/hr; 0.2821 v/m.
Stand Still. Stay Silent is 2nd with 1,501 votes:
—500.3333 v/d; 21.7536 v/hr; 0.3626 v/m.
Grrl Power is 1st with 8,030 votes:
—2,676.6667 v/d; 116.3768 v/hr; 1.9396 v/m.
50th slot — 212 AV*: 70.6667; 3.0725; 0.0512.
40th slot — 241 AV: 80.3333; 3.4928; 0.0582.
20th slot — 482 AV: 160.6667; 6.9855; 0.1164.
Top ten — 1,122 AV: 374.0000; 16.2609; 0.2710.
Top five — 1,263 AV: 421.0000; 18.3043; 0.3051.
* Accumulated votes
Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
http://topwebcomics.com/vote/14850/default.aspx
Current stats at the time of this posting:
SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 31st with 444 votes:
—111.0000 v/d; 4.7234 v/hr; 0.0787 v/m.
Stand Still. Stay Silent is 3rd with 2,187 votes:
—546.7500 v/d; 23.2660 v/hr; 0.3878 v/m.
Grrl Power is 1st with 9,082 votes:
—2,270.5000 v/d; 96.6170 v/hr; 1.6103 v/m.
50th slot — 297 AV*: 74.2500; 3.1596; 0.0527.
40th slot — 331 AV: 82.7500; 3.5213; 0.0587.
20th slot — 663 AV: 165.7500; 7.0532; 0.1176.
Top ten — 1,619 AV: 404.7500; 17.2234; 0.2871.
Top five — 1,812 AV: 453.0000; 19.2766; 0.3213.
* Accumulated votes
Vote on TWC. Link here or below the Patreon previews:
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Current stats at the time of this posting:
Spindrift is 59th with 365 votes:
—0.1380 v/d; 2.7239 v/hr; 0.0454 v/m.
SHOTGUN SHUFFLE is 33rd with 587 votes:
—97.8333 v/d; 4.3806 v/hr; 0.0730 v/m.
Girl Genius is 8th with 2,208 votes:
—368.0000 v/d; 16.4776 v/hr; 0.2746 v/m.
Stand Still. Stay Silent is 3rd with 2,929 votes:
—488.1667 v/d; 21.8582 v/hr; 0.3643 v/m.
Grrl Power is 1st with 10,673 votes:
—1,778.8333 v/d; 79.6493 v/hr; 1.3275 v/m.
50th slot — 400 AV*: 66.6667; 2.9851; 0.0498.
40th slot — 459 AV: 76.5000; 3.4254; 0.0571.
20th slot — 898 AV: 149.6667; 6.7015; 0.1117.
Top ten — 2,134 AV: 355.6667; 15.9254; 0.2654.
Top five — 2,524 AV: 420.6667; 18.8358; 0.3139.
* Accumulated votes
I find myself wondering if programming take-a-bullet bot with a family was an attempt at being good/human/empathic and just not thinking through the consequences or if it was her inner supervillian trying to express itself without her being fully aware of it.
She clearly did not think that through. I bet she built the robot, and then since nothing happened right away, started making other robots, including robot families.
Boredom gets to you sometimes.
Idle hands are the Devil’s tools.
or
Step on the gas grandma, we’ve got a ticket for an aeroplane.
Ain’t got time to take a fast train?
We don’t care how much money we gotta spend.
Lonely days are gone! We’re goin’ to Lovecon!
I really wish I could afford to order a Fatfat, but $100 is a lotta scratch for a waiter. And is have to explain to my wife why I ordered a purple basketball plushie, also.
Ok, this one got me. I’m actually giggling.
Very dark. I approve.
I honestly didn’t see that one coming. Thought Kyle was getting hit somehow.
And it took me a while to see that (I guess we call it “Son-Bot”) had a baseball glove. Nice touch.
But for now, Take-a-Bullet Bot had met his unfortunate destiny. RIP little droid…until it gets rebuilt.
Noooo! TAKE-A-BULLET-BOT!
I know we only just met, but it feels like I’ve known you for…um…like 15 seconds. Wow. Okay. Looking back at it I’m really not that attached.
It was a very moving 15 seconds, though.
I brought nuts, bolts and spinach dip for the wake.
You insensitive BASTARD. You KNOW he was allergic to nuts!
He’s not allergic to metric nuts. Just imperial nuts. I saw the mechanic’s note.
Oh, well then. Now I just feel dumb. :D
Oh. Uhm…
There, there?
He brought 13 mm nuts, so it’s a very easy mistake to make.
Honestly, Tarra being Tarra, more than half expected the glass to be some custom ‘Tarraform’ed bulletproof composite.
It’s on back order. It’s currently the electricity generating glass that Central Florida Power and Light have no idea that it was secretly switched in place of the Plutonium.
Damn Tarra, that’s fucked up.
Wow, Tarra just keeps getting better and better. I bet she thought it’s sacrifice would be meaningless if it’s loss didn’t MEAN anything. Kyle might actually be getting wise to her nonsense and may actually be the suitor to say “you know what? You’re kinda fucked up. I’m outta here.”, thus truly ruining Tarra’s day.
i’m not crying, you’re crying.
Hey, shut up! It’s just allergies! There’s WAY too much pollen in here!
I guess that I had better quit shaking these flowers.
Once again Mr. Blue is the cause of all my suffering. :D
And you’re just too damn happy about it, too.
Awwww man. Ellie has an Autographed Christopher Rusche hat.
…there was a hat? :D
Tarra’s assassin reflexes are also affected. She stands there (in the same place) watching the bot go down. Obviously a second shot is not forthcoming? Orrrr is there more to the mild-mannered Kyle than meets the eye, like mebbe a power dampener?
Naah.
Ah wait, I see now – The Braid reflexively covers her, before she crouches. Carry on.
Any sniper worth their salt knows that once you take the shot your position is compromised and you need to relocate. But sure, Tarra’s so twitterpatted that it’s throwing off her game.
Love the baseball hat and glove on junior take-a-bullet-bot and the braided pigtails and bows for the princess.
He will be missed. :-(
I can has McFatFat! Thanks Chris and Claire!
Who will think of the cheezeburgers?
So… just did a translation of the binary… rough equivalent is NOOOOOOO
…clever
noooo now his family will be crippled by student loans!
I hear that Tarra Corp has a very good employee loyalty program and policy.
She probably had a “Dead Peasant” insurance policy on him.
Everyone is assuming that he’s not running cuz he’s mesmerized by her appearance. Maybe he’s not running because this is all just a standard day for him. There is no rule that I can recall saying that Terra is the only person at or within a reasonable margin of her level of capability.
Alternatively he could be the Ron Stoppable to her Kim Possible.
New crackpot theory:
Since Rusche mentioned in the author post here: ‘This very special crocheted McFatFat plushie is made with super-soft velvet yarn and entirely handmade by our very own Hot Female Fan. (I’ve lovingly nicknamed her “Claire.”)’ , I now believe “Hot Female Fan” to be on this nice young lady’s birth certificate.
Canon.
What’s she has a sister? I thought that Loose Cannon was the only cannon. Unless we’re talking about photography, eh?
Wohoo!
Ms. Hot Female Fan, do your parents pick out lottery numbers for other people too?
A node.js family cluster? Bah! Kids today with their hopping on every programming trend. In my day she’d have been programmed in a proper language and segfaulted with grief. Good luck debugging that!
Even if you’re going to take-a-bullet bot’s wake,
GO VOTE
On a serious note for once, I’d like to agree with mR. Blue’s sentiment here.
A lot of people don’t vote because they believe it doesn’t make a difference. From the stance of large national elections, I can’t say that view is incorrect statistically. However, one thing that does make a difference is that it’s officially recorded for each and every US citizen if we voted or not in what elections. The statistics of what particular demographics do or don’t vote is widely spread around and something that elected officials pay attention to at least every election season. Even if your vote doesn’t change any actual races, even if you leave every candidate blank (I’ve done that and only voted on local issues in the past), if you vote, you still show up as a point in your demographic as having bothered to vote, and hence be a vote that said politician can win by doing things you support!
While I can’t back it up, it’s my strong belief that if the voting turnout percentage for retirees was similar to all the younger age groups, Social Security & Medicare solvency issues would’ve been solved before I was born. As it is, with those expected voting numbers, it gets punted because politicians don’t want to risk their jobs.
So, get informed if you have time and inclination, and don’t vote for candidates in an uninformed fashion the way I did when I was 18 and used to standardized tests (remember you can leave them blank), but GO VOTE!