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Two-Sided Knife

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141 thoughts on “Two-Sided Knife

      1. That may be my new favorite response to “First!” and other comments of its ilk. May I have permission to use it?

        1. You might want to mod it so that it has a Shotgun watermark. That way curious people know where to go to see more.

        2. My favorite response to “First!” is to suspend the user’s account for a week on the first infraction, and the perma-ban them for the second. Luckily for some here that Rusche is more merciful and/or doesn’t want to turn portions of his fan-base against him for such petty satisfactions.

        3. Personally, I still prefer “today’s reluctant hero.” It’s that blend of sarcasm and hyper-inflated self-importance that sells it.

        4. Wellll. We could make them pay for the ingredients for all of the squirrel cookies, black forest gateaux style.

          Movie reference people. It’s not to hard to get to the end of the universe from here.

        5. Well, they also say that flying isn’t hard. You just have to throw yourself to the ground and miss.

        6. Okay, I’m going to give the time until I log back on tomorrow for the quest to name the trivia source.

          Mr. Blue stated dejectedly.

        7. Damn it, I got crossed the streams and the movie quotes became borken.

          Black Forrest Gateaux – Hot Fuzz. The second hint was supposed to be from the Cornetto Trifecta. But, like it was mentioned, the streams were crossed, and the end of the Universe was inserted instead of The World’s End.

        8. I’m with you….this place must be the last bastion on earth, besides the lolcats memebase, where saying ‘first’ pointlessly isn’t bannable.

        9. It hasn’t been that common. Though there’s also something to be said for making jokes instead, or changing the time on the post (I like that one).

        10. Darn it! I spent 15 minutes trying to come up with the 10-word rule before I noticed that there was an “r” in the last word.

      2. Nice play, and I can’t help but have a strong suspicion you intended that use when you drew it.

        1. Nah, that should have been Wilders Wonka you heard. Now, if it was “NOTHING! You so stupid!” Then you could hear Kuni (or if anyone ever says “supplies” that’s also acceptable)

        2. You’re absolutely right on that, but just the first part made me start hearing Kuni instead. Granted, my car radio is currently going through my Weird Al albums, so I may be predisposed from that (alphabetical and mid-way through Mandatory Fun if I recall correctly).

        3. I don’t always listen to Weird Al, but when I do, it’s on the way to the biggest ball of twine in MINNASOTA.

        4. I’ve been wanting to use the list of previous places they’ve been on someone unsuspecting for a while now. Haven’t thought of it when the opportunity was available, though.

  1. Ellies gotta a very good point there. Though I do think she should at least call her dad(the chief of police) and put Danny on the watch list

        1. WARNING: In the comment sections, Rusche drops spoilers like they were going out of style. Read the comments for any length of time and you will read more spoilers than you can possibly keep in your head.

        2. ADDITIONAL WARNING: It’s been considered fair game to put those (and sometimes links to the comments) in the wiki, so if you check there spoilers are very possible too.

        3. Only warning I saw is the one I put in last Tuesday on the Buckingham Sisters category page. I was thinking of adding one to the front page.

  2. No one took it yet so SECOND!

    Interesting though, Ellie is showing more foresight than I gave her credit for. If it goes to court it goes public, which neither of them would want.

    1. Loads more. Mind you… she’s got more practical experience of this kind of thing. *not looking anywhere near Cinnamon’s general direction at all for any particular reason* <_<

  3. Mediation has become significantly more common for this reason. A lot less money, less pain, less waiting, and less publicity. Is it the right thing all the time? Certainly not, but it is a good alternative. There is enough here to warrant a civil case, but in the end Miss Buckingham speaks a certain truth.

    1. I’m sure that the Canuck will agree to certain terms, such as allowing them to curb-stomp the D-bag, as part of the deal. Just to be civilized adults. He may even join them, in a show of good faith.

      1. Indeed. Negotiation is critical in this arena. You want them to have something, but not all of it and you want to have liberty, but at a reduced cost. For this reason, if anyone wants to go into a well paying field, mediation is a good place to start with very little academic requirements.

  4. Oh Quinn…if they PAY you, they don’t “get away with it.” That’s half the point of making them pay you!

    1. She want them sacrificed on the altar of public shame. But Ellie realizes that will go both ways.

        1. I am surprised that fiendish daemon Khorne has not been mentioned for some time.

      1. Well, there’s also the fact that one of the people who’ve gotta’ be in the top five list for people Quinn wouldn’t want to have seen this was the one that called her and told her about it. So Quinn might consider a healthy chunk of the publicity damage to already have been done.

  5. Go for the equity stake, Ellie! Every time he writes out your dividend check, he’s got to remember that it was Danny that forced him to do it!

  6. Once again, Ellie is thinking ahead. She’s not dumb when she’s not being lazy.

    One thing to keep in mind: we, the readers, know about Danny’s odd spot of honor (no cameras in the bathroom) so we know that no nude images of either woman went on the site. Ellie and Quinn don’t know that yet.

    1. Caleb will likely mention that to try to drive their price down. Additionally, as Quinn was watching the reactions of the viewers as Ellie started changing her top, she might’ve gotten the indication that it was something they hadn’t seen before (there was a “Finally” statement under Quinn’s surprised eyes in The Chain XVII – 10 April 2015). We don’t know what comments might’ve been going on that Quinn saw while she was hiding in her closet, but that could’ve involved the site members asking if anyone had snapped a picture of that which wasn’t interrupted, and might’ve turned to discussion of herself too. She might’ve even inserted the question.

      1. What could be keeping the girls from going after the people who logged onto the site and bought the premium memberships? Or took privilege of the free accounts.

    1. Probably depends if he’s awake. Considering his irritation with Quinn is at least partially noise related and it’s dark outside (spring or maybe early summer), it wouldn’t be that odd for Tired Guy to have a white noise machine for when he sleeps, too. I know I went and bought one over the summer when I lived near a basketball court that high school kids played around on until 1 AM most evenings in the summer.

        1. Sure, and he’s also presumably retired and/or on disability, so there’s a decent chance he keeps whatever hours he feels like and his sleep schedule could be completely unpredictable by an outside party.

        2. He’s old. He’s got to be asleep by 8 or 9 pm, and up by 4 or 5. With a nap in the morning, nap in the afternoon, then he falls asleep in the chair in front of the 6 o’clock news, wakes up at 7:30 to complain and then goes to bed or something like that.

        3. I’ve seen it go both ways. Either too many years on the same schedule and can’t get off of it or release from need for schedule makes it all go to chaos. Tired Guy could go either way.

      1. Okay, we have yet to hear from the European Chair of the naming committee. So, here’s what we’ve got in the poll so far.

        North Atlantic Round Squirrels – 22, Minnion Shufflers – 10, SSSSSS – 8, Bob – 7, Mufflers – 7, Other – 5, MinnFflers – 5, Mufflerons – 5, Shuffions – 5, Minnflers – 5, Minorken – 4, SSSSfASSSSmSSiSSSly – 4, CrMinns – 2, minnions/shufflers – 2, Weekend SSSSurvivors – 1, shuffler minnions – 1, Shot Minns – 1, Mifflers – 1, GWS (Grosslings With Shotguns) – 1, Crminns Finnions – 1, Borkions – 1, USSSSSSV:ers – 1, Shunnions – 1, Shonners – 0.

    1. Okay, and with the laptop fired up, here’s the scoop.

      Shotgun Shuffle moved up two spots to take the #36 spot with 916 votes. This translates to a 15 day average of 61.1 votes. We gained approximately 1.28 votes. The links for the respective comics will follow.

      A Redtail’s Dream stayed in the same position at #15 with 1,559 votes. This is an approximately 104 votes per day over these 15 days. (That’s a lot of 15s so far, must have something to do with the year, eh?) A Redtail’s Dream has gained approximately 0.504 votes/day so far.

      Stand Still. Stay Silent has maintained the #6 spot with 6,671 votes. This is an average of 444.73 votes per day. This is a loss of 1.909 voters per day. I wonder if it was some people throwing the cookies around. . . I’ll not tell.

        1. Hey, just a quick look on the info for the TWC site for Shotgun Shuffle. Link is above. When last accessed, the numbers were at 916 votes for a 15 day average of roughly 61 votes per day. Just now, the numbers are 963 votes for 16 days giving a rough average of 60 votes per day when rounded down (60.1875 actually). The day is not over yet, but there is one person out there with four hours left.

        2. Mr. Blue forgot to mention the current position for Shotgun Shuffle on the TWC site. We dropped one to 37th place trailing the occupier of our former spot by only thirteen votes.

        3. The Sunday evening TWC updates: Currently, Shotgun Shuffle is #35 on the TWC monthly board with 1,010 votes. Although the binary value is, let’s see, carry the five, divide by three. 8. But the binary value should not have any effect on the daily average of 59.4 votes. We’re only down by 6/10ths of a person. So, maybe if we got some, hang on. 18 years old to vote. 6/10ths of 18 is 10.8, Ten years, nine months, eighteen days old. But we’ll need their parent’s permission to vote, so if they vote as well, add two more to the daily vote there.

          Oh, we gained two spots since last report. :D Go go shotgun shuffle.

        1. Interesting, just about every time in the past three days, A Redtail’s dream has been at #15. Garnering 1,620 votes total so far over sixteen days for a rough average of 101.25 votes per day. Almost down three votes per day at this time. But the day is not over yet.

        2. What is still interesting is that A Redtail’s dream is still occupying the #15 spot on the TWC list. 1,680 votes in 17 days for an average of 98.8 votes per day. Down 2.42 votes. 63 votes ahead of their predecessor and 67 votes behind the #14 spot occupier.

        1. Stand Still. Stay Silent has maintained their position in the #6 slot, keeping up with a total of 6,877 votes over 16 days for an average of 429.8125 votes per day. This is another drop in the number of average daily votes, from the last number of 444.73. This is almost a drop of a total of 15 votes per day.

        2. And finally, Stand Still. Stay Silent is maintaining their spot in the #6 slot on the TWC list with 7,075 votes so far this month. That’s 416.17 votes a day. This is a drop of an average of 13.6 votes a day. At least there was a drop in the number of votes dropped per day. Sooo, is that a positive?

  7. Can I just say I’m a huge fan of the rad fashion which occurs in this comic wonderland? Quinn’s hoodie is the walrus’s balls.

    1. It is at least presumed (and maybe confirmed by Rusche in a comment) to have been made by Pumpkin.

  8. So when is the name of the comic supposed to change to Shotgun Shuffle Sells Sea Shells by the Sea Shore? WE WERE PROMISED A NAME CHANGE!!

  9.       Is it just me and the way my mind works, or does the first panel with Miss Nicks look like she is saluting some flag (likely the SSSSSS Conglomerate) and shouting “Whether two or four, the S means more!”?

        1. Yea, he does that. It’s the conversational equivalent of that dog being distracted by squirrels in the movie up. But there is always some nugget of pop culture reference in there somewhere even if the connection isn’t immediately obvious.

        2. Lends credence to my working theory that Mr. is just a chatbot whose algorithm is based on Professor Rusche’s id.

        3. You saying I’m some sort of floating cloud there Rabbit?
          Meh, that would mean that I have high spirits about some of these things. Things called life. I feel better when I’m cooking for other people than I do in self introspection.

        4. It also means you’ll occasionally rain on someone’s parade, to stay with the picture.

  10. Why is the blade on the wrong side?! *sigh* Forget it, I can work with this. I’ll just turn the knife around and WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!?!

  11. Huh. I just now realized that Danny has Caleb listed in his phone as “Asswagon”.

    *Keeps reading…*

  12. I say settle out of court with Caleb, but leave Danny at the mercy of Quinn and Ellie.

    I think Caleb would agree.

    1. ^^ The Egg beater will be very familiar with Danny.

      Also, how’d Ellie get so smart.

      As another option though, they could let Caleb go after getting paid, then call the Sisters Buckingham to finish what Caleb started.

      1. Speaking from personal experience, I can assure you that laziness and intelligence are quite compatible.

        1. Agreed. Intelligence actually helps laziness out, even, as it takes less effort to figure things out (including low effort strategies to get past arbitrary obstacles).

  13. I wonder how much Ellie’s concern is the general peeping versus remembering what they just did to Alex and realizing it was caught on camera and being concerned on legal consequences for that.

    I thought it was reasonably likely that Alex found out about the site before he came over anyway. He doesn’t mind being vindictive, so I’m wondering if he had set his computer (or asked someone) to capture that video. Granted, I suspect he deluded himself into believing he’d be met by a more friendly and less clothed reaction, but either way he may have video evidence of his own beating now.

        1. Ellie is too much of a caring pet owner to let McFatFat consume a dirty hippy like that, so McFatFat would’ve had to sneak vacuum up Alex.

    1. Mr. Blue is of the thought that Alex knocked on KK’s door to ask for help, but asks what happened, because the girl’s council of Lakeland, Florida held a meeting in order to discuss Alex after his first girlfriend. It was decided that nothing would come to bear against him until he had the dirty laundry aired in public. After that, each girl that he bothered was to assault him after approaching them for help.

  14. Legal Settlement and Non-Disclosure Agreement

    The party of the first part consisting of Ellie Buckingham and Quinn Nicks, collectively referred to as “Quellin”, and the party of the second part of consisting of Danny Fleetwood and Caleb McVie, collectively referred to as “Danleb”, enter into this settlement agreement to resolve all legal rights and privileges pertaining to “hotcollegeroommates.com” and any other past, present, or future websites, digital or printed publishings, daydreams, and nightmares which Danleb features, had featured, or would feature Quellin’s likeness in part or whole.

    As part of this agreement, Danleb admits that it violated Quellin’s privacy egregiously, and as compensation will provide the following:
    * $20,000 in US currency, within 24 hours of signing this agreement.
    .
    * Three (3) “one-year supply of wet cat food” per year, for the next 10 years following the sign-date of this agreement.
    .
    * Three (3) “one-year supply of dry cat food” per year, for the next 10 years following the sign-date of this agreement.
    .
    * Any 4′ long mixing-themed or whisking-themed weapon with a minimum of 160+ Attack Power (AP), or any matching two (2) dual-wielded instruments of the same theme required with the equivalent AP. Must either be new or only previously used by the owner defeated to acquire the whisk(s) from.
    .
    * Danny Fleetwood’s remaining eyebrow (left). Following the removal of his remaining eyebrow, Danny Fleetwood will receive electrolysis so that he may never regrow his left eyebrow.

  15. Please Ellie this going to court ha no downside for you. Suing the shit out of them is best, and fuck settlement pay I’d go to court damn the costs to see justice done.

    1. Up to the point where future employers get hands on their resumes and say, hmm…Ellie Buckingham / Quinn Nicks. Wasn’t she involved in that court case five years ago where they sued some porn site or something for taking pictures of her and her roommate illegally? Well, I don’t think we want her working here!

      1. While the future employers would be unlikely to remember it, they would likely notice it in a background check or cursory web search, and while employment discrimination against victims of a crime would be illegal, common practice of not getting a job is you just never hear anything back, so it would be nigh impossible for them to prove it.

        Could happens as reference for other things too, such as renting an apartment.

        Current site is much less danger for finding from random web searches since it didn’t have their names, and I don’t believe current tools to search with a picture of a person for other unrelated pictures of them is easily done at the moment (no clue what Facebook might be able to do with their non-public tools, or casinos, intelligence agencies, or criminal syndicates for that matter).

        So agreed that suing them is definitely not a zero risk option.

        If they want justice, the best thing to do would be to privately settle out of court with Caleb and have part of the settlement terms be that Caleb prosecute Danny for misappropriation of company resources or something similar. That’s the closest I can think that they’d get which might still have a shot of protecting their privacy.

        1. There are downsides to if the site gets traced back to them. We only know of two things that made it onto the site: assault and battery against an unarmed hippy and arguments about Ellie being bad with money/keeping jobs. Neither of those things are attractive to future employers.

        2. Google image search.

          You drop an image and get a lot of details that you may not get from a name.

          They are screwed regardless.

        3. My experience with Google Image Search as of a few years ago was pretty spotty once it got past the same image resized or with small tweaks. Sometimes it could get the same background, but it’s guesses past that were pretty laughable.

          Granted, I haven’t tried lately, so maybe more advances than I expect. I saw a couple of researchy things claiming advances in identifying what was in a picture, but haven’t noticed any on identification.

        4. Women have the benefit of doubt when they are confronted with a supposed attacker. I would also suspect that the law would be lenient with victims of a previous attack/stalker. And, that’s based on sitting in on criminal justice classes as a pc tech years ago. Women are smaller than most men, and while they may not be allowed to use lethal force to reject, they are able to use physical means to escape/evade anything that they may deem as legitimately threatening.

      2. One as someone said that’d be discriminatory. 2 Their full names as far as we know were never disclosed, 3 if that’s they’re worry then they’re fucked anyway cause settlement or not, the word would get out, 4th again who gives a shit money is nothing compared to letting losers walk away and possibly ruin others lives. Paying them is almost tantamount to saying you’re okay with what they did. Again, this really wouldn’t be a big deal nor really end up as a problem for hiring they’re not the the one getting hit with criminal charges. By that logic suing a site which profited off an illegal video where the two were assaulted and went to court where they brought said criminals to justice they’d have problems getting hired. They wouldn’t. Because they are the victims. I’m honestly very ashamed of Ellie trying to let them get away with this, even the Canadian who did not condone it, his negligence allowed it to happen, although his penalty should not be as severe, he should be held responsible for some damages. The right thing to do is what should matter, not monetary value.

        1. I think the biggest difference in our opinion is that you have a lot more faith in people doing things they way they should than I do. Granted, I’m definitely a pessimist, so most people do fall on that side of my guesses.

    2. Well, Danny could argue he was let into the apartment voluntarily, and it would become a he said/she said about whether Ellie was in on it. Also, maybe Ellie doesn’t want her father finding out, hense why she wants the law to stay out of it.

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