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You’re So Evil

Got a new Fanart from Miss Jessica. This is obviously her favorite character, James. I don't think I ever mentioned it, but I know Jessica because her husband is an old friend of mine from high school, and who the character James is heavily based.  Thanks Jess. And happy birthday, real-James. 1795470_10152150800249729_760095122_n

Guys,

So sorry I missed you Wednesday. I didn't even put up an update amendment like I usually do. Tuesday night I had most of this done (this is actually only PART of the intended post for Wednesday) and about 6pm my angry tooth decided it was time to go nuclear on me. Toothaches are toothaches, but this little pissant brought me to my knees as the night wore on. Just think: unrelenting, non-stop pain like someone is wedging a shard of glass into your gums.

I had to go to the ER just for some pain meds because nothing was alleviating the mouth-hurt. My jaw felt like it was trying to exile itself from the rest of me and start it's own country. It was bad. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Okay.. ex-father-in-law, maybe. But that's about it. Then Wednesday I stood in agony over the sink for eight hours straight swishing Listerine in my mouth and writhing in pain as I waited for my dentist appointment (which wasn't until Thursday.)  Went through two bottles.

I mean, when a toothache is that bad, you can't function as a person. You can't sleep, you can't think. All you can do is struggle to manage the pain. You can't get rid of it. It doesn't heal when it's your tooth. It's part of you. You can only attempt to make it less than excruciating. And nothing was working. Nothing. And very little will when it's the root. My only option was to try and sleep through it, and I hadn't slept in 3 days by this point. Then my mom brought me some NyQuil. God Bless you NyQuil. You actually work. Regardless, all better now! Found a pro dentist who didn't take no s#!t from teeth. I'll have a decent sized post for you all Monday. :D

119 thoughts on “You’re So Evil

  1. So I was thinking of using this first poster opportunity to post spam/ads/deceptive links but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

        1. Ahh, you’ve got the wrong gravvy for it, Mr. Blue. It’s better that the twins do the Shining references. :D

        2. I thought that was a reference to the movie “Freaks”, rather than “The Shining”.
          Not that I’ve ever seen either one.

      1. And I warn you, being part of this family, the “Crazy Uncle” slot is taken.

        SEVERAL TIMES OVER.

        I think we have openings left for “hot cousin” and “casually racist grandpa”, though. Some slots require only a hat!

        1. Am I a crazy uncle? I was going more for jackass single cousin that finds it amusing to slip all the kids as much sugar as possible before they go home.

        2. Mr. Blue don’t care what you two claim. Mr. Blue says that it makes him look sane irl compared to the two of you.

          AND I’m the tallest. 203 centimeters baby

  2. No worries. Life happens and you’re not a robot. We all understand :D. Anyways, it appears Cinn’s releasing of the “master race.2” was actually a scheme to get black friday shopping done since Anise wouldn’t help her. It’s really clever in a twisted evil sort of way. Though, even though she brought most of it on herself, I can see how Cinn’s home life could have fostered a DARK evil streak that she just keeps under wraps. Loving the complexity of the characters, Chris! It makes the comic entertaining.

      1. And you succeed. When I get around to it, I’m going to do another fanart, but this time of Cinn. Her evil look in the previous strip gave me an idea :P

      1. Same here, actually. It’s a testament to Rusche’s diligence that there’s almost always an update or at least a note about the lack, so having neither was some cause for concern.

        1. I was starting to be a bit worried, but being decidedly concerned would’ve have happened unless no update post by Monday.

        2. I thought that I wrote a post or something somewhere wondering if the Rusche got hit by a snowstorm or if the kids took ill again. I forgot about the tooth.

  3. Man. I love it so much that Anise’s Santa-lust has earned her a snazzy criminal title. And that the mall security guy knows her name.

    1. It’s probably been a yearly event for a decade or so. Kinda’ makes me wonder if that’s why they were making Santa’s arrival time a surprise.

      1. Some years there is blood. Those years it isn’t just catch and release. Those are the fake beard “incidents.”

        1. So you’re saying they have the experience to know they prevent Anise from showing some skin, so now they just plan to make sure she’s too far away to notice fake beards? Or can she spot a fake beard on a Santa from 200 paces?

        2. Maybe Anise has “beardy sense” with which to sense whether or not a beard is genuine. Of course now that I’ve typed “beardy sense” I REALLY want to see a scene in the future where Anise says “My Beardy sense is tingling.” The spidey type action lines around her head are optional.

  4. Rusche, that really sucks about your tooth. I’m glad you found a good dentist to help you with it, though! Your health is important and any number of missed updates is worth making sure you’re hale and whole. Here’s hoping that dentist kicked that tooth onto the straight and narrow for good!

    1. lol. He did since he pulled it out. Now I get to go ‘partial’ shopping. I’m thinking about getting one with a spinner in it. So when I stop walking, it spins like I’m still moving. :D

      1. That is certainly an effective method of stopping a tooth from hurting! I like the idea of a spinner and must kindly ask for pics. :)

      2. I also think you should name the new country your subversive tooth was attempting to found. These things should have names.

      3. That spinner idea is money totes presh. I was kind of worried that you might have been snowed in. I forgot about the tooth. Although, why go partial when you could just get an implant without having to have work done on the other teeth?

        1. I’m deeply gratified that someone caught that reference. The first time I saw that video I laughed myself into a shallow coma.

        2. Mr. Blue throws up A Tale of Two Cities, A Brief History of Time, The Time Machine, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Destroyermen: Into the Storm.

        3. Steve responds with War and Peace, Great Expectations, One Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovich, Waiting for Godot and For Whom the Bell Tolls.

        4. I can’t help but be reminded of the following contest winner whenever I see that title.

          In the late summer of that year we lived in a condo in North Dallas that looked across the tollway to the discos and honky-tonks of the Rue St. Bubba. We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant.

          “The Great Landry says the Cowboys will be back,” said the girl.

          “Then it must be so,” I said, though I knew it was a lie.

          “When football season comes, then it will be cold. Like Switzerland. But not now. The cold will come later.

          “Pass the Doritos,” I said, and her eyes shone like the stars
          over Amarillo.

          I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, “You ride the bull, senor. You do not fight it.” But he was lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. And the pain was washed away, but the image of the woman stayed with me like a blessing and like a curse. We went that summer to many clubs. We went to the Longhorn Ballroom and the Palm and to a honky-tonk in Fort Worth that was what Harry’s Bar would have been like if it had eighty-five cent Pearl Beer and a barmaid whose peroxide hair could damage your eyes as if you had seen an eclipse. That night we visited them all, but as we drove home I did not think of the Pearl Beer and I did not think of the peroxide. I did not think of the girl who sat beside me. I thought of the woman of the tollway and I could feel my heart pounding in the heat of the summer night.

          “Stop the car,” the girl said. There was a terrible look of sadness in her eyes. She knew about the woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an arm and spoke with a quiet peace I will never forget.

          “I do not ask for whom’s the tollway belle,” she said, “the tollway belle’s for thee.”

          The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie. Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day.

          Peter Applebome
          International Imitation Hemingway

      1. Technically if they were bought and paid for by someone else then “abandoned” it’s not stealing. I continue to lean more and more towards Cinnamon being evil and using dumb as a cover story.

        1. Considering that she provoked the panic that caused people to flee, there’d still be a case she stole from the other patrons.

    1. I’m wondering if she’s going to try to give the jacket, headband, and purloined items to Anise to throw off the trail or not.

      I also wonder if they’re actually useful for the Buckingham’s gift giving. For example, I could see Cinn picking up lingerie that would comfortably fit Tarra’s recent hostage (even noticing if she noticed it).

      1. Regardless of whether or not it was anything on the list team reject was given I’m sure it exceeds their expected success rate by 1000%.

        1. I figured they always came back with things, just not things on the list. Also half their cash ending up going towards bail.

  5. Man, Rusche, I’m sorry your tooth was murdering you slowly with agonizing pain… I’ve only had one problem tooth in my life (and it was taken care of immediately), but my brother has had problem teeth for the better part of a decade, so I know all too well that all it takes is one tooth, and you’re out of commision until it’s taken care of.

    At least you’ve got it taken care of, so that’s good.

    1. Same here! It’s good to see things are at least somewhat back to normal, and that the tooth is better for it. Elsewhere. Out of your mouth, like the little lazy failure should be.

      From now on that tooth is “Lavendiper,” the lazy failure tooth.

  6. Does Miss Jessica have any characters inspired by her? If not, she could at least be a cameo character who always ends up witnessing James at his most embarrassing.

  7. You know… considering how long she was waiting, and considering that this was apparently a regular thing, you’d think Mall Security would have had her tagged the moment she stepped in line and have intercepted her before she was able to complete the deed. She stands out pretty well, after all.

    Someone dropped the ball on that one. They should have seen her coming.

    Sorry to hear about the tooth, Rusche. Good luck with all that!

    1. I can actually see how this happened. Anise /was/ first in line, but there might not have been any scheduled Santa appearances at that time, so security didn’t need to check for her. When they decided to do an appearance, they did a look around, and Anise was in the bathroom at that point.

      Either that, or they waited for her to leave and tried to get it done quickly. It’s possible her IBS has appeared before during her detention at the mall security office so they knew what to wait for.

      1. Also remember this is a very chaotic shopping time. There may have been security looking for her that got called away to deal with an incident somewhere else.

        1. Yeah, Anise’s “threat rating” for the mall cops would be dependent upon how much they think her flashing Santa would drive shoppers away versus bring them back to see if it happens next year, as they’re mall employees and concerned about the mall’s financial well being, not actual officers of the law. I could see that being a bit of a wash.

    1. I’d expect that most-to-all would flee with expressions along the line of, “Screw this! I’m not being paid to deal with abominations of nature!”

        1. About 90% of the time I hear that song, I can’t help but thinking that somewhere in the world there’s someone vain enough to be right.

  8. Isn’t it only stripping if her shirt is completely off? Wouldn’t it be her flashing her whales at Santa?

    1. Also I’ve never been to a dentist in my life. I’m somewhat obsessive with lots of little ticks, and one of them happens to be cleaning my teeth. Though I will have to have one of my teeth looked at eventually. It formed wrong and it’s kind of sharp and rubs up against the inside of my cheek whenever my jaw gets slightly misaligned from sleeping wrong. Thanks, Obama.

    2. Not like this was her first time, mind you.

      Now I don’t think we’ll get to see the other times at any point. Unless someone decides to go all rule34 on his fanart.

    3. I’d say stripping versus flashing is a potentially fuzzy line. I’d go with stripping if I thought more removal was to come and flashing if I thought she was going to put them away soon on her own. So by that definition, stripping might be a bit closer.

  9. Soooo…Team Loser now becomes team winner? Some dynamics have changed here :-) Creepy Cinnamon is not so dumb as she looks, she just needed the right tools for the job.

    1. It’s pretty dumb to try and kill a housefly with a sledgehammer. You’ll do no end of damage to your drywall. Aggressively crossbreeding an Omega-level pestilence and releasing it in public to get free Christmas goodies isn’t exactly a winner move.

  10. Real-James pointed out that Comic-James doesn’t wear shorts, he wears cargo pants. My mistake. But in this case, no correction was demanded.

    Thanks again Chris for posting my fan art!

  11. 1. I lost it at “perfectly good white trash.”

    2. Is…is all that stuff actually on Team Reject’s list? Because that would be a random happenstance that approaches impossible. Someone needs to check Cinn’s purse for an Infinite Improbability Drive.

      1. First the Pumpkin-based Fastball Special, and now this.

        He’ll never find the cameras near the drafting table.

        Heh heh…insider information for years. YEARS, I say!

        Wait…what? Is this thing ON? Did I just announce my entire secret plan like…like a bad cartoon supervillain?

        That’s it…I’m going back to bed.

      2. Perfectly good white trash seems like a nod to one of my all time favorite (though I admit it’s migrated more from favorite to guilty pleasure with the passge of time) “Better off dead.” One of John Cusak’s finest performances.

        1. Mr. Blue had to do a search for that,

          And Mr. Blue found something that everybody should know about. It’s very, very important. And it’s very, very good.

          You’re So Evil | Shotgun Shuffle Webcomic
          shotgunshuffle.com/youre-so-evil

          … The Time Machine, Journey to the Center of the EarthYou’ll do no end of damage to … “Where on earth did you find a bottle of headlight

  12. I may be late to the party but I hardly ever miss it entirely. The Thursday update threw me off. I can’t really think of anything to comment on or say that hasn’t already been said but…

    What is Cinnamon planning to do with the money that she was given to shop with? I smell even more impending hijinks.

  13. I love how mall security knows Anise by name and she has her own moniker. That takes an impressive level of indecent exposure.

    1. While I’d bet Anise has made a practice of this, I could see them remembering the name of a woman who’d had one very impressive indecent exposure.

  14. Anise and Cinnamon are just delightful. I wouldn’t have thought Anise was such a habitual offender that the guards all know her and her habits. They probably should have briefed Santa on the possibility of being flashed, though.

    I’m definitely liking Cinnamon. Until she does something to hurt a character I like, I think I will keep her filed under ‘Hilariously Dumb and Evil’.

    I do have a question, though. Could Cinnamon be the gay sister? Yes, I realize she had a boyfriend, but given her amoral and manipulative attitudes, I wouldn’t be surprised if she would just hook up with her rich boyfriend regardless of her sexuality to get at his money. It’s just a little thing that’s been niggling in my head for a while.

    1. Cinnamon using sex as a weapon regardless of orientation would certainly be in keeping with her generally sociopathic behavior.

    2. Notifying Santa ahead of time would ruin the fun of the surprise. Also advertising the potential flashing might end up skewing your Mall Santa toward the type that parents aren’t comfortable having their kids sit on his lap.

    1. Maybe, but I’m surprised Anise even notices the packages Cinn is holding over her thwarted beard lust, so I’d still call it realistic if it takes her longer than Cinn leaves it in place to notice.

  15. Wow. I used to read Cinnamon’s text bubbles with an apathetic (somewhat absent minded) voice, now I think I’ll read them will a cold ruthless (maybe sarcastic) voice. She totally looks and sounds like she is about to deliver a “reason you suck” speech to someone.

  16. That sounds excruciating. I am glad to hear you are feeling better. At least it’s a good excuse to drink milkshakes for awhile? :D

      1. I agree, he’s in cahoots with the American Egg Council and the American Dentists Association. It’s all an evil plot to turn Valentines Day into Cholesterol Awareness and Ice Cream Appreciation Day for only those people living in Columbus, Ohio.

  17. Cinnamon: Tactical Genius – 10/10; Evil Genius – 10/10; Precision Snark – 10/10

    Also love how one casual sentence completely sums up the relationship Anise has with the mall, and implies that she’s done this EVERY YEAR for quite some time. XD

  18. Ya know…the more I think about it, the more I question how many of the boys are there to see santa in anticipation of Anise’s….performance?

    I can just imagine that conversation:
    “Mom, I want to go see Santa at the mall.”
    “Aren’t you a bit old for Santa?”
    “Um…no….I just really want to see….Santa…”
    *Deadpan stare from mother*

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